Be A Brilliant Human

This blog now continues as a podcast: "Be A Brilliant Human" available on multiple platforms with show notes at www.BeABrilliantHuman.com. With Episodes coming out every week on a Tuesday, covering topics that relate to your healing journey, relationship issues awakening and beyond, I think you'll love this podcast!

So hop on over and I'll see you there!

Where To Listen:

Apple | Spotify | Google | YouTube | PocketCasts | Breaker | Radio Public | Overcast | Anchor

Episodes You Might Like

Click the image to listen and see the show notes:

“Being Ready” The Power of NPA in Pregnancy & Birth

Being Ready

Guest post by Charlotte Kanyi

In a post on my own site, I spoke of my journey from unreadiness to readiness, from worry to inner calm, and from obsession over my long, long list of ‘absolute essentials’ to complete before birth should happen, to no worry and no list.

I spoke of my growing ability to rest, relax and allow readiness to be.

I spoke of learning surrender to the unknown and trust as I birthed my child and dropping my to do lists in favour of actually doing, with ease and flow.

Here, I am sharing with you how I made this significant transition with relative ease using NPA, a tool I also use in my 1:1 sessions to facilitate powerful transformation.

The shift that evening from feeling distinctly NOT ready and worried about how to get everything sorted in time, to going into labour and giving birth from a place of being ready was almost instantaneous, quite surprising and has had long lasting deepening effects on me and my ability to take action.

What is NPA?

NPA stands for Non Personal Awareness, a deceptively simple yet enormously effective tool that brings you into harmony and flow with what truly matters to you. It is a short six line process that effortlessly aligns the energy of your experience, releasing blocks and stuckness and allowing into your experience that which you’ve been keeping at bay.

Alternatively as Joel Young, the creator and custodian of NPA, taught it to me, “letting the yucky stuff out and letting the yummy stuff in.” He describes non-personal awareness as a living, breathing perspective says,

“The NPA process is a simple way to invite it into your life, engage with the freedom it brings and begin sustainable change for a better life experience.”

For those intrigued and eager to try it out click here to find out more about NPA and download a free worksheet. For those remaining keep reading to discover some of the possibilities of NPA in action with my story of clearing needless worry about being ready and another glimpse into some of the intimate details of the birth of my second child.

Synchronicity

On the evening in question having cleaned the bathroom, (Job 1 on the endless list of essential preparations according to the worried, time pressured and desperately nesting version of me.) I’d settled in to a conference call evening of NPA sharing with the NPA Community. The Theme that evening was birth!

Little did I know that barely four hours later I’d be holding my second child in my arms in awe and wonder in that very same bathroom.

During the call I spent an enjoyable hour bringing in the energies of confidence and trust.

Throughout my pregnancy these two themes were pretty constant companions and the focus of much of the inner clearing work I was doing to prepare for the arrival of my child.

By the night of the 24th June I was feeling confident in my body, I trusted my ability to birth. I had negotiated numerous hurdles and challenges along the way that had all served to help me to consciously choose the circumstances of my birth from an empowered grounded inner strength and to trust in these decisions.

Yet I still wasn’t fully relaxed and enjoying that in-between time of a fully formed baby inside an expectant mother enjoying the last twilight hours of their shared physical existence before the next chapter begins.

THE NPA PROCESS: BASIC TRAINING…

NPA Basic Training - Start Here“This video programme will walk you step by step through the core training of The NPA Process and give you what you need to get started making a difference in your life right away with NPA.”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

A persistent niggling worry

I was aware of a persistent niggling worry about what I still had to do in order to be ready. Accompanied by an equally insistent murmur in the recesses of my mind about the potential pitfalls of not knowing my midwife.

These unhelpful thoughts battled with the deeper sense of trust and confidence I felt when I tuned in. Try as I might, I couldn’t banish them completely and I was restless. I was worried about unknown factors I couldn’t fathom or plan for by their very nebulous unfounded nature, even as I was aware of trust in the universe and in my body.

This background noise and tension was not so loud but was real nonetheless and resided just under the surface of my day to day awareness. I had been doing what most of us have a tendency to do from time to time, pushing it to one side and ignoring it, telling myself I was being daft. As usual the universe had my back and was bringing me answers to my deep prayers almost before I was aware of what I needed.

In this case it brought me help in the form of two NPA ‘cookie cutters’ borrowed from a friend. That’s right, they weren’t even mine initially. Another thing I have learnt. I don’t have to be the one to know or come up with all the answers. The answers will come and will be available if I am listening and remain open.

Back to the current story though. As I heard my friend share her experience with the energy of ‘The Unknown’ and ‘Being Ready’ I knew with a strong intuitive hit in my gut that these were ‘mine’ too.

I put the phone down and took both phrases through the NPA words.

‘The Unknown’

First up ‘The Unknown.’

All my fears about not knowing which midwife would be on duty and that something untoward may occur and endanger my birth choices surfaced. Crazy thoughts that giving birth the first time was just a fluke and I would totally fail at it this time. Panic and terror at not knowing what was coming next and whether I could handle it overwhelmed me.

I sat still.

I felt it would last forever. I nearly despaired.

I sat still some more.

It passed.

All the fears melted away into a mist of unnecessary unknowables.

I smiled as joy bubbled through the mist. I relaxed as inner peace dispersed the mist. I was at peace with not knowing, not knowing what would happen in my birth experience, when it would start, who would be there, content to wait out the future. It had been perhaps 5 minutes but it could have been hours or a lifetime. I didn’t care.

This shift is simple to write in just a few lines. Easy to read fast, gloss over and keep reading. I invite you to read it again and let it sink in.

Imagine how it would feel to be living with fear as the backdrop and then imagine the contrast of living from a peaceful place. Really, I invite you to take some time to appreciate the depth of this through my words as I can’t begin to do justice with how transformative for me this change in perspective was at this time. This kind of shift has been my repeated experience with taking time to do inner work with tools such as NPA.

“Being Ready”

With a greater sense of ease in myself I moved onto NPA cookie cutter number 2 ‘Being Ready.’ This was quieter and more subtle yet with immediate measurable effect.

I stopped thinking about the list.

It was not today’s concern.

I smiled as I again naturally became aware of the inner strength and joy at my core and in my womb. I opened my eyes and felt my uterus contract…
This was totally unexpected.

Ironic really. I know how effective this tool is. It was a cookie cutter on ‘being ready’ right?

So I shift into a place of being ready and what happens? Yes, straight into labour.

I was ready.

I tried to tell myself it might be Braxton Hicks and it might stop and start and I had a few days or even weeks left yet.

But no, my body knew differently.

Just four hours later my baby popped out

Just four hours later my baby popped out (quite literally with a popping sound and a big splash!) into my waiting hands, slippery and warm to my fingers, crying already as I brought him in close to my heart. Quickly soothed by enthusiastic suckling, we gazed at each other. My delighted and euphoric laughter echoed round the bathroom as my husband stared in astonishment. ( He thought I needed water or something when I shouted for him to come.)

Very shortly, I was ready again; this time for some well deserved rest as I dropped off to sleep cradling my newborn in a warm cosy after-birth glow, deeply satisfied and powerfully transformed by the surprising turn of events that evening.

Learn How You Can Make Rapid Positive Shifts…

NPA Basic Training - Start Here“This video programme will walk you step by step through the core training of The NPA Process and give you what you need to get started making a difference in your life right away with NPA.”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO


About The Author

Charlotte KanyiCharlotte Kanyi is a mother of three lively boys and founder of BirthEssence. She helps overwhelmed women transform their terror of birth and heal unresolved trauma so they can reconnect to their baby, rediscover their self belief and confidently create the birth they secretly dream of. When not working she loves to spend time in nature, be it climbing trees with her family, bivouacking in wild places or transforming her neglected garden into a multipurpose sanctuary. You can catch up with her on Facebook HERE  or follow her writing and access a free meditation HERE.

Is Fear Of Loss Holding You Back In Love?

Fear of loss in love effects many of us.

It can hold us back from loving fully.

It can hold us back from GIVING ourselves fully.

Perhaps it’s fear of the hole we feel in our heart when we cannot be with our beloved? Or fear that the rough and tumble of love’s path will leave our heart smashed and broken again?

But perhaps more than that, it’s the fear of sharing ourselves so very deeply?
You know: All that stuff inside us that we secretly believe is unlovable… should we find it can, against all odds, be loved… to have THAT taken away… well, it’s worse than death right?

But here’s the thing…

What if the whole point is the experience? What if being so vulnerably, deeply, rawly and beautifully open… what if sharing yourself with another so profoundly WAS the whole point of you embarking on the path of love?

What if you got to experience this depth of connection (even for a single moment) you would be enriched beyond your wildest dreams? And what if you remembered that the heartbreak (that may never come) is something you have survived and grown from before?

Love worth a damn… Passionate, pulsing, Soul stirring, dizzy making love… is rarely a painless path: It’s the classroom of transcendence and healing… It’s THE place to face your fears and ultimately find yourself.

Be brave and bold my friend – love is why you came here.

Get 1:1 support with Joel…

Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:

“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

Relational Growth: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Sometimes we fight for an idea of what we want a relationship to be rather than face what’s really here…

Part of the human condition I guess…

But at some point the truth kicks and kicks until it can be ignored no more…

Broadly speaking, there’s 3 ways to look at these situations.

If you wanted a snappy blog title, you could say, they’re the good, the bad and the ugly 😉 – although we’ll not take them in that order:

1) YOU ATTEMPT TO MAKE THEM CHANGE…

Good luck with that, and just wishing and wishing is a recipe for limbo.

Getting into a place of ‘needing’ or even ‘wanting’ THEM to change in order for you to be happy or fulfilled gives all your power away and puts an enormous amount of pressure on them and the relationship.

Dialogue can of course inspire your beloved to stretch and discover for themselves what’s true for them… But ultimately their shift must come from THEIR true inner desire to do so, or it will be unsustainable and only perpetuate the cycle.

This then, would be ‘The Bad”

2) YOU LOOK AT YOURSELF…

Look at your dissatisfactions, your issues, your judgements and how they are mirrors for your internal world…

That, in my experience, can be a great use of any conflict brought on by the growth impulse. Certainly it can help you become more conscious of your own unhelpful patterns. But at some point it reaches its limits, actually becomes counter-productive and demands a relational collaboration…

If you put all the weight of relational responsibility on your shoulders (in other words, if you enter the mode of “I must fix myself to make the relationship work”)… Well, you’re actually disempowering your beloved and putting huge pressure on yourself. It’s a set up for relational failure. It puts you in a reactive, rather than pro-active state.

If your relationship is in a rocky space, and you take this road, you will, most likely, only cause yourself additional suffering…

It’s ‘The Ugly’

3) YOU ALIGN FULLY WITH WHAT YOU WANT...

You get super clear on what YOU want to experience, let go of everything you’ve created in the relationship and open to where life is pointing you.

This drops any judgement of what they are, or are not doing.

It has no agenda for them, and doesn’t make ‘who you are’ wrong in anyway.

This may challenge you to set clear and healthy boundaries, but boundaries are a clear prayer to the Universe that lay out who you are, and what you wish to experience in your relational life.

You are simply saying from your own clarity “This is what I would like to experience, this is where I am heading. I’d love you to come and you are free to choose if that is what you want to”

It empowers them. It empowers you.

And any dialogue from this place, will come from a deeply wholesome space within you.

I strongly encourage you to trust that, even though it might get rough in the adjustment, what you want is also seeking you and life will find a way… with or without them…

This would be “The Good”

Letting Go Of The Outcome

The main objection I hear to “The Good” is an understandable fear of what you will set in progress by getting clear on what you want and speaking it.

Will it end the relationship? Am I being selfish? What will the larger consequences be?

We are so culturally trained to deny what we truly want, and cling on for grim death to the status quo. Letting go of what has been that is undesirable, is literally that. Letting go of what is undesirable. There are so many ways it can resolve into ‘the desirable’, and relationally that may be with or without the same person – but in the end, this is your life and you do deserve to live the life you desire.

The NPA Process is amazing for bringing you back to you and letting go of outcome, especially relationally. You can learn how to do it yourself with my video course. And if you would like some 1:1 support through this process of relational alignment, get in touch. You can find details of my sessions at www.joelyoungnpa.com/sessions

Get 1:1 support with Joel…

Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:

“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

Meeting Yourself Where You Are

 

The call to ‘enlightened’ or spiritual perspectives is one thing, and then there’s the humanity of the immediate circumstances. In the midst of grief, heartache, pain, confusion and overwhelm, that call can feel more disconnecting than connecting… even verging on the abusive at times.

I’m a great believer in the power of reaching for those higher perspectives and rising above circumstance… not to mention using the wonderful tools we have at our disposal.

But always trumping that is my belief in meeting yourself where you are vs forcing the pace for some spiritually macho ideal, or to avoid the truth of where you are in your humble human-mess.

I’ve found that as you meet yourself where you are in THIS moment, with loving, non-judgemental acceptance of your less-than-ideal state… the gentle strength of who you know yourself to be beyond it, can return… step by gentle step.

This is a theme of the testimonials I receive for my 1:1 coaching sessions. “Thank you for your truly non-judgemental approach, it really helped me move through my issues that much quicker, and more gently than I expected”

Helping people like you be more kind to yourself as you meet the challenges of transformation and healing is certainly a passion of mine. So, if you’re facing a challenge and find yourself in a harsh internal environment – get in touch – I can help.

Details of my sessions are at: www.JoelYoungNPA.com/sessions

Get 1:1 support with Joel…

Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:

“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

8 Questions To Ask When You Feel Unloved By Your Partner

When it comes to ‘feeling loved’ by another, it is often actions that speak louder than words.

It seems a natural part of ‘life with a personality’, that we do so much better when we feel loved (adored or cherished even), when we feel seen and heard and that we matter to our lover.

Love Is Confirmed By Action

And for our sweet, innocent personalities, love is confirmed by actions. Actions that count. We can hear the words, but are there acts of love from the one you are with?

❤ Are there demonstrations of care?
❤ Is there a willingness to meet you where you are? To understand you? To come to you?
❤ Is there sharing? Is there intimacy?
❤ Is there true openness and honesty? Is there straightness rather than game playing?
❤ Are they *with* you in ways that matter? Do they take the time to know what matters to you and make that a high priority in their life (not as a compromise to self, but as a willing, wanting, natural act of love for you)?
❤ If they proclaim they are giving acts of love – are they the things that matter to you, or coming only from their own space… in other words is there empathy? Are they stepping off their own island and onto yours to discover you, to know you, to BE with you in your world?
❤ Are they doing what they can to help you feel less alone and less afraid at times when you are lost in that?
❤ Are they eager to give to you, as much as they are to receive from you?

These are great questions to ask, but bear in mind they are ideals.

The truth is, life as a mortal human in the 21st century, tends to be a little messier than that. None of us are perfect or complete when held up against an ideal… and life (and love with others) is more a dance than a static ideal.

The Dance

Ideals looks for stability and certainty… dancing is more an interplay of stability and chaos; Balance resolves to imbalance resolves to balance. Step by step a graceful dynamic whole is unveiled: The Dance.

So, if you are dancing with another in love… YOU are also part of the dance…

And here’s the rub, like the moon, we are all phaseal in relationship… each ‘other’ will have an ebb and flow of feeling in your direction, as you do in theirs. In other words… they are your chaos, as you are theirs… And so the anchor for that stability (the stable source of love) must be within the self and from the self.

So if the tick-box of ideals above is looking pretty bare and the energy is pulling you to seek stability as a counterpoint to chaos, then (without attachment to outcome) it’s time to come within.

A Stable Source of Love

As much as you can, focus on yourself and ground into what truly works for you. Take the first step and start dancing your way back to an acknowledgement of your own beauty, your own grace, your own loveable-mess, your own sexiness, your own desirability.

Don’t know the moves? Well remember…

For our sweet, innocent personalities, self-love is confirmed by actions. Actions that count. We can hear the words, but are there acts of self-love from the one you are with? (That would be you).

💚 Are there demonstrations of self-care?
💚 Is there a willingness to meet yourself where you are? To understand yourself? To come to you and be present with yourself?
💚 Are you sharing with you? Is there intimacy with yourself?
💚 Are you being truly open and honest with yourself? Are you being straight with yourself rather than avoidance and game playing?
💚 Are you *with* you in ways that matter? Do you take the time to know what matters to you and make that a high priority in your life (not because you ‘should’, but as a willing, wanting, natural act of love for you)?
💚 If you proclaim you are giving yourself acts of love – are they the things that matter to you, or coming only from someone else’s idea? In other words are you coming from your direct experience? Are you stepping off other people’s islands and back onto yours to discover you, to know you, to BE with you in your world?
💚 Are you doing what you can to help you feel less alone and less afraid at times when you are lost in that?
💚 Are you eager to give to you, as much as you are to give to them?

Again, bear in mind, these are ideals.

Never the less, they are good questions to ask yourself.

Signposts

In your answers you will find the signposts that will walk you from where you are towards the deeper experience of life your heart is calling for… whoever you are dancing with.

Remember, we all need a helping hand sometimes; to find our centre, our clarity and the true source of love. This is an area of considerable experience for me, and NPA is a fabulous approach to use. So if this article rings bells for you and you’d like my help, check out your options HERE, and get in touch.

Get 1:1 support with Joel…

Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:

“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

[JY-General-Bio]

 

NPA In The Heart of The Cree Nation [Video]

Staying Centred In A Hostile Environment & Healing Divided Families

This inspirational interview with Colby Tootoosis, a community leader in Poundmaker, Cree Nation is filled with heartwarming wisdom and reminds you of the difference each of us can make.

Colby shares how The NPA Process really helped him through his term of office, where his commitment to integrity ruffled the feathers of the establishment.

He also describes how he helped a family, divided by gang affiliations, to find peace, freedom and realisation with NPA.

And also how it has mended and strengthened his own personal relationships.

NPA: Healing Divisions In The Heart Of The Cree Nation


THE NPA PROCESS: BASIC TRAINING…

NPA Basic Training - Start Here“This video programme will walk you step by step through the core training of The NPA Process and give you what you need to get started making a difference in your life right away with NPA.”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

[JY-General-Bio]

Unforgivable: 3 Untrue Stories That Prevent Forgiveness

PART 1 of 2

“It’s unforgivable!”

Can you feel the pain in that declaration?

There’s a lot of societal and cultural support for the idea of ‘unforgivable’ and yet I have seen how much ongoing pain a lack of forgiveness can bring.

The problem is, there’s confusion about what it really means to forgive.

In this two part article I want to help clear up that confusion, share some insight into the process of forgiveness and encourage you to take another look at those things you’ve filed under ‘unforgivable’

In part 1, we’ll look at the 3 main stories we tell ourselves that may be preventing you from forgiving and keeping you locked in a cycle of pain.

And in part 2, I will be sharing Meredith’s story. Meredith was able to forgive what she describes as:

“Specific trauma that had precipitated much of my life experience… including sexual abuse by nuclear family members, multiple attempted murders at the hands of those family members, and worse, complete hatred for who I was and a loss of spiritual connection”

It’s an inspirational story of transcendence and freedom which paints a picture of what’s possible, even in the most horrific of circumstances.

But first let me reassure you that the perspectives I’m offering you come on the back of a LOT of experience…

It’s Been My Privilege

For many years I have specialised in working with people who had experienced sexual or physical abuse of some kind and, as you can imagine, I have worked with people who have suffered from some of the darkest of human experiences.

Forgiveness had seemed like a pipe dream to many of them, often in spite of many years of self development and healing. But it has been my privilege to guide them to the self-release and life transforming freedom of the forgiveness they thought they could never find.

More than anything I’ve see how people go down the painful road of defining their life by the things they have not forgiven. I’ve seen how this lays down walls of limitation which leave them feeling trapped, alone, powerless, afraid and depressed.

When they finally empower themselves and forgive, there’s a background shift in how they experience themselves and life. It’s so profound it is hard to put into words, but it changes everything and brings a LOT of deep and unbridled smiles.

•  M  Y  T  H    B  U  S  T  I  N  G  •

Part 1: 3 Untrue Stories That Prevent Forgiveness

So, let’s bust some myths…

There’s an old saying: “Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expected them to die”

The idea that by not forgiving, we somehow impact the other person is at the heart of the myths that prevent moving forward. It’s a disempowering position that requires some hard but healing truths to shift.

The story we tell ourselves when we don’t forgive is usually one, or a combination, of:

MYTH 1: ‘That will show them’

This is a passive aggressive strategy which hopes that they will focus on your lack of forgiveness, take it as punishment and feel bad. They rarely do, but if the strategy is successful then you are both colluding in a very toxic dynamic.

MYTH 2: ’They don’t deserve my forgiveness’

This is a justification for holding on to pain. It’s a more introverted, projection based story which again comes from the illusion that your lack of forgiveness impacts another. It’s an attempt to reclaim some sense of power, but actually results in the opposite.

MYTH 3: ’Forgiving them somehow makes their behaviour OK’

Forgiveness has nothing to do with condoning their behaviour and everything to do with letting go within the self. So, not forgiving is only denying yourself your freedom from the past. This is so highly trained into our cultural psyche it can be tricky to untangle. But when the realisation comes, it can be the key to the cage.

Forgiveness Is An Inside Job

Forgiveness is very much an inside job, and an act of self-love which can free up a lot of energy, light and joy.

Generally what it takes to reach forgiveness is the acknowledgement of the pain and hurt plus reaching some sense of being heard and understood. This can be done with the person you need to forgive, and when (as if often the case) that isn’t possible, it can be done within the self. Professional support can be really critical here, to get right to the core of it and fully release.

I’ve also found there’s a much more direct route:

When you deeply realise that their ‘unforgivable’ behaviour is not personal, forgiveness is automatic. And of course, that’s the genius of The NPA Process, especially when working with someone who is experienced and skilled at spotting the right cookie cutters (or key expressions) which allow the process to be laser focussed.

Given my history of working deeply with the emotions and ‘unforgivable’ situations, it was a surprise to me when I developed The NPA Process that profound forgiveness would often come along as a natural side effect, and even quicker than the methods I had used before.

Of course there are times when working with the feelings, the history and engaging in forgiveness focused dialogue are necessary and can’t be circumnavigated. So in my practice, a combination is always available.

I’ve not yet come across a situation that is truly unforgivable. Many are truly horrific and could never be condoned… but, with the right work and support, forgiveness IS possible.

The NPA Process: A Direct Route To Forgiveness…

NPA Basic Training - Start Here“This video programme will walk you step by step through the core training of The NPA Process and give you what you need to get started making a difference in your life right away with NPA.”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

When Someone Isn’t Forgiving You

I wanted to briefly mention this side of the equation, and here’s my perspective:

Someone’s forgiveness of you (or not) is their business.

If you can forgive them for not forgiving you, then you are taking care of all that you can.

Of course, if the situation merits it (and they are willing) then an open hearted conversation may help them… one where you truly and fully hear and understand their perspective, you can empathise with their pain and genuinely apologise for anything that you feel you need to… and even so, in the end, it is for them to forgive.

What Do You Need To Forgive?

Whether it’s an experience of abuse, or something you judge as painful but less traumatic, like infidelity, betrayal by a friend, something said that you found deeply hurtful… whatever you are holding ‘unforgiven’ is poisoning you and holding you back from fulfilling your potential.

There is a way out.
There is hope.

And whether it’s with me, on your own or with someone else who has expertise in this area, I strongly encourage you to take another look at anything you have filed under ‘unforgivable’.

Get 1:1 support with Joel…

Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:

“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

 

Be sure to check out Meredith’s transformational story of forgiveness in Part 2

If this article raises any questions for you, please feel free to let me know in the comments. Your shares are also very much appreciated.

Jx

[JY-General-Bio]

Forgiving The Unforgivable: A True Story

PART 2 of 2

She forgave the unforgivable.

And found self-love.

In part 1 of this 2 part article we looked at the myths that block us from forgiveness. Check it out If you haven’t yet read it.

Here I wanted to share Meredith’s story of forgiveness.

Meredith worked with me over several months and after 13 years of therapy, finally found a way to forgive and heal the emotional, mental and physical pain; the legacy of a history of childhood sexual and physical abuse by family members.

These are acts that most people would deem unforgivable, but through her ability to forgive the ‘unforgivable’, Meredith was able to set herself free.

My wish is that her story inspires you, and shows you the possibility and benefit of finally forgiving your ‘unforgivables’

This is the story of her healing journey over those months with me, in her own words…

Part 2: Forgiving The Unforgivable
Meredith’s Story In Her Own Words

_____
And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time

Till touch down brings me ‘round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Elton John and Bernie Taupin
_____

Meredith Linden

Meredith Linden, Editor, Hawaii

At one point, I knew it would be a long, long time before I could blast off on my way back to myself.

I’m happy to say I’ve made it.

Sitting in my current state of being, I can now look back and appreciate the travels I’ve made, particularly in the last eight months.

I first reached out to Joel Young to stop being hit upside the head with my own trauma stories.

A year prior to meeting him, I had remembered specific trauma that had precipitated much of my life experiences to that point, including sexual abuse by nuclear family members, multiple attempted murders at the hands of those family members, and worse, complete hatred for who I was and a loss of spiritual connection.

Nothing In The External World Could Bring Me Peace

I had been in therapy for over 13 years, had overcome bipolar disorder and being medicated, and made huge life changes including owning my sexuality and moving to an island miles from anyone except my wife.

I had been able to make great needed external changes in my life, but the internal dialogues (or monologues as the case often was) and physical pain continued. Nothing in the external world could bring me peace to any real degree.

I worked with Joel on multiple levels, not just NPA. His story of overcoming the effects of abuse and his ability to be happy inspired me.

In Journey sessions, we revisited the past through portals in my body that were new to me. I learned how to hear what my body remembered as well as how to hold the memories for more information and release of pain. These sessions also allowed me to build a trusting relationship with Joel.

I moved on to six sessions of NPA and while we both thought I might go through them in fewer than six months, it ended up taking eight. It was a clear indication of my slowing down and my deeper work.

Through NPA with Joel, I learned how much I took everything personally and how much that was my greatest problem. I was identifying with everything from my trauma story to my own disinclinations.

If I had never liked this or that before, it will always be true.

The Biggest Gift

The biggest gift NPA offered me was to open myself to any possibility, including experiencing change just for the experience.

With endless possibilities at my fingertips, I could hone in on the one thing I’d searched for the last 50 years, to know myself.

The most important aspect of working with Joel was the fluidity and inherent wisdom with which he approached each session.

He never seemed to come with an agenda and though the first sessions were slotted for Journey work and the last six for NPA, he always allowed us to move however the energy guided us; there were times we used no specific tool.

His complete acceptance of my process, whatever it was, was so empowering, offering me the amazing opportunity to free myself of the “how,” focus on the “what,” and accept myself on ever deeper levels.

Joel’s language in matters of the soul, analogies, and humour added to our connection and my ultimate ability to construct more appropriate stories of myself and my life. I can now celebrate my journey by being; it is exactly what I wanted when I first talked to Joel.

What Mountain?

When Joel recently mentioned the mountain he watched me climb, I had the inclination to say, “what mountain?” From where I am, it no longer FEELS like it was a mountain. There is a lightness and fluidity to me and to my life now.

I worked through what I needed to work through but the most important take-aways are self-love, a desire to continue to unearth my spirit and purpose, a deep spiritual connection all my own, and an inherent ability to be present in any given moment and move from a place of listening deeply to life.

Meredith Linden,
Editor, Hawaii

Get 1:1 support with Joel…

Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:

“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for your amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

 

If Meredith’s story has affected you, raised questions or moved you, please do get in touch via the comments or through social media.

Your shares are also welcomed, as this article may well help someone else end a lifetime of suffering.

Jx

[JY-General-Bio]

Craving The Softness Of Love

craving-the-softness-of-love

Has the rawness of love left you baffled?

Has it left you bruised and beside yourself with inexplicable feelings?

If so, then there’s a good chance that you are craving the softness of love.

Perhaps you crave forgiveness? Perhaps you crave kindness..? Tenderness..? Warmth..? Reassurance..?

You probably long for a soft place to land and to be soothed and understood?

Craving & Missing Needs

Craving in the emotional heart, just as in the physical body, is a sign of imbalance.

Physiological craving is a sign that the nutrients the body feels it needs are missing.
Emotional craving is a sign that the nurturing the heart feels it needs is missing.

There is also a tendency with craving to look outside… To search for a source.

In fact the most painful cravings are often where the source fixated on gives you something you could very well generate yourself and yet you form the habit of getting it from a singular external source which may be in limited supply.

For example the body naturally makes nicotine, yet a smoker will crave cigarettes as its source.

When the source is not around the cravings can go bananas – shouting and screaming in the body… Demanding that the source be acquired and consumed.

This pattern works as much in the heart as it does in the body.

Bad Idea

One solution of course is to find another, or maybe several other external sources; More drugs, more partners. But ultimately that creates a vicious cycle.

Been there. Done that. Got the T-shirt.

And I see it time and again with new clients (and I say ‘new’ because we address this in our sessions):

There’s a thirst, a hunger, a desert-made desperation that comes from a lifetime of seeking and failing. And because I spent so long in that desert myself, I understand that we hide the need… even from ourselves… making it ‘not that important’, ‘not that bad’ or telling ourselves and others “I’ve got it handled”.

It can be hard to admit it, but if deep down your heart still aches and craves… you know your kidding yourself.

What to do then?

This is one of those answers that the craver rarely likes. But here goes:

You must find your own softness…
Your own kind sweet loving self…
Your own reassuring, tender warmth.

It’s at your centre where balance is effortless.

But the road there is not without its challenges…

Challenges

Going there may mean you need to meet the powerful emotions that have guarded your gate for eons. Perhaps it’s rage, perhaps it’s terror, perhaps it’s the deepest unworthiness?

And meeting them is likely the near opposite of the comfort you’re after. It’s that rawness again.

So it’s really a choice:

To see it through and meet yourself and the freedom it brings.
Or turn back to the false comfort of craving and go round the circle again.

One of the great things about having NPA at your disposal though, is that often meeting those deep uncomfortable spaces can be quicker and easier than perhaps you’ve experienced before. In fact the primary hurdle is often the decision you have to make; whether that’s to do it yourself, or with the kindness of help.

Let me guide you to the softness of love with some 1:1 sessions…

Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:

“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO

But if I am what I am seeking will I be alone..?

No sweetheart.

It’s not about you OR relationship.

It’s about experiencing a relationship WITHOUT YOU… OR experiencing a relationship WITH YOU.

And the latter is Divine, juicy, free and delicious…

No cravings required…

Big soft love my friend ❤️🙏🏼❤️

[JY-General-Bio]