Perhaps it’s fear of the hole we feel in our heart when we cannot be with our beloved? Or fear that the rough and tumble of love’s path will leave our heart smashed and broken again?
But perhaps more than that, it’s the fear of sharing ourselves so very deeply?
You know: All that stuff inside us that we secretly believe is unlovable… should we find it can, against all odds, be loved… to have THAT taken away… well, it’s worse than death right?
But here’s the thing…
What if the whole point is the experience? What if being so vulnerably, deeply, rawly and beautifully open… what if sharing yourself with another so profoundly WAS the whole point of you embarking on the path of love?
What if you got to experience this depth of connection (even for a single moment) you would be enriched beyond your wildest dreams? And what if you remembered that the heartbreak (that may never come) is something you have survived and grown from before?
Love worth a damn… Passionate, pulsing, Soul stirring, dizzy making love… is rarely a painless path: It’s the classroom of transcendence and healing… It’s THE place to face your fears and ultimately find yourself.
Be brave and bold my friend – love is why you came here.
Get 1:1 support with Joel…
Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:
“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”
The call to ‘enlightened’ or spiritual perspectives is one thing, and then there’s the humanity of the immediate circumstances. In the midst of grief, heartache, pain, confusion and overwhelm, that call can feel more disconnecting than connecting… even verging on the abusive at times.
I’m a great believer in the power of reaching for those higher perspectives and rising above circumstance… not to mention using the wonderful tools we have at our disposal.
But always trumping that is my belief in meeting yourself where you are vs forcing the pace for some spiritually macho ideal, or to avoid the truth of where you are in your humble human-mess.
I’ve found that as you meet yourself where you are in THIS moment, with loving, non-judgemental acceptance of your less-than-ideal state… the gentle strength of who you know yourself to be beyond it, can return… step by gentle step.
This is a theme of the testimonials I receive for my 1:1 coaching sessions. “Thank you for your truly non-judgemental approach, it really helped me move through my issues that much quicker, and more gently than I expected”
Helping people like you be more kind to yourself as you meet the challenges of transformation and healing is certainly a passion of mine. So, if you’re facing a challenge and find yourself in a harsh internal environment – get in touch – I can help.
You know that feeling where something is just gnawing at your guts?
That feeling that won’t take spiritual niceties for an answer?
The kind of feeling that won’t settle for pseudo peace, or half-arsed happiness?
Well that discomfort, my friend, is an inner gift you’ve been nurturing, and it’s grown too big for your belly.
In this post I want to share how NPA helped me listen to that gnawing, let go of a lifetime of invalidation and find a genuine connection to an endless inner light.
I also want to offer you TWO powerful exercises to help you connect more with your core.
So, let’s get to the guts of it…
A Gnawing In My Guts
Almost a month had passed since the police had intervened in the harassment case and I was pretty sure the episode was over. All seemed quiet on the Ex front, and still…
I was aware that the defamatory posts were still out there in the public domain and I’d remained silent. Every time someone in the know would ask me if I felt clear and glad it was over, I would hear myself tell them “yesâ€â€¦ but the word, in my ears, was hollow.
In late September, my colleagues from The Inner Journey Clinic and I had our regular Skype chat. We meet for supervision and mutual support, so I took it to them to explore what the heck was still here with me.
At first it was suggested that I look at it through the eyes of radical self-responsibility. “How had I hurt her in an equivalent way?â€
I really looked, but couldn’t find it. I could acknowledge that maybe indirectly there were rubbish things I’d done in the past with different people, or perhaps to her in previous lives..?
Big Fat No
But, to be honest, it really didn’t resonate, and I was getting a big inner red flag. Of course I checked myself to make sure it wasn’t just resistance… it wasn’t.
Something much deeper and truer was simply saying no.
When wise people you respect, with the kindest of intentions, say rationale things that you know generally have a truth to them… it can be a challenge to disagree. But I knew that all spiritual, self-help and therapeutic concepts have a context where they are relevant, and times when they are not. So I held a strong boundary.
But something they said did hit a chord.
“You might want to look at the victim energy Joelâ€
Ouch!
That’s always gonna be a tough one to hear… The last thing that victim energy wants is to be, is called out… But, as I said in my post about the willingness to be an inconvenience, healing and awakening often start only when you acknowledge some ugly truths about yourself.
This time the ‘red flag’ was really a resistant ‘ouch’ and when I got truly honest with myself there was some truth to it.
I put it in my energetic escrow to look that one in the eye…
Finnish Angel
The very next day I had a pre-arrange catch up with my great Finnish friend, and certified NPA Teacher, Marja Koivisto.
She’s a great facilitator and has always had a knack for pinning me on my stuff.
She noticed my energy and physiology immediately… I was kind of crumpled over the table and pretty low.
“What’s going on Joel?†she asked, in her lyrical Scandinavian accent and a tone that clearly meant (to use the NPA vernacular) “Spew Mr Young!”
Just in case you don’t know, a ‘spew’ in NPA terms is an invitation to just let your mouth run on a subject. The NPA facilitator meanwhile listens for the key words or phrases that have an ‘animation’ about them and can then be used in The NPA Process.
I spewed…
At first I went through the yada yada of the updates on the case, but then I found myself describing an old memory:
I’m about 6 years old, in the car with my Mum, Aunt, sisters and cousins. It’s mid-summer and we’re setting off for a camping trip.
I’m the youngest, and my cousin Micky is the oldest. He’s being horrible to me, as usual. Teasing with a nasty edge.
I appeal to my Mum and my sisters, but no-one sticks up for me. They treat me like I’m being over-sensitive… and then I burst into tears.
Micky delights in this opportunity to mock me further. He mimics my wails and goads me: “Sing Joel, sing!†and, to my shock, it seemed like everyone laughed along!
Distraught and desperate I plead through my tears to my mother:
“He’s being horrible! Make him stop!â€
“Oh c’mob†says my Mum, “He’s not that badâ€
Shut Down
My experience is completely invalidated… Negated… I simply shut down.
As I continued to spew, I realised how this experience had completely killed my ability to acknowledge genuine mistreatment of me. It also became obvious that this experience was reflected in much of the abuse I’d experience through my life, including the latest online abuse from my Ex.
The energy was still alive in me. This time as: “She’s not that badâ€
With my Ex in mind, Marja lead me through The NPA Process using that phrase.
A LOT of emotion,
a LOT of physical shaking,
and a LOT of energy release ensued…
As the waves died down, the inner validation and acknowledgement found its voice, and I spoke the words:
“She IS that f*&#ing badâ€
Marja encouraged me to NPA that phrase as well, and I felt it link back not only to my recent Ex, but beyond… Back to the many other situations that I had made “Not that badâ€â€¦ the domestic abuser, the sexual abuser and, of course, my teasing cousin.
Something Deep Inside Cracked Open
It was as if I could finally acknowledge my experience.
With my direct experience being honoured, validated and expressed, it was healed. Any victim energy that had been hanging out in that space just kind of resolved itself. It left.
And what I experienced next was profound…
I described it to Marja as best I could,
“It’s an energy… a feeling… a distinct presence… It’s like one of those quantum power generators, that once switched on provides power for eternity, simply by tapping into the quantum field. It feels like an eternally running engine inside my belly”
I was having a visceral experience of something I’d heard about so many times but had never truly connected to personally:
“My cup runneth over”
I’d so often heard this talked about in terms of love. “Love yourself first, fill up your cup with love” etc etc.
Word Magic
(A little heads up for the exercise to come)
One of the things I love most about NPA, is that it’s great for going beyond generalised words and terms.
You know the sort which sound good but don’t truly connect?
Words are magical, and each word we use activates neural pathways in our brain, firing off signals, sparking chemical reactions and influencing feelings, thought streams and physiology.
A common and misleading simplification, is the idea that each word has a distinct meaning that we all share. While superficially this may be true… underneath the surface, we all have unique responses to each word we hear.
Each word activates our huge database of experience of the word. Which sections of that data surface is influenced by the context and the emotional tone. The possible variations in any given moment are mind-bogglingly huge.
A dog is a dog, but the dog you picture and the experience you have when reading that word is almost certainly very different to mine. It will be influenced by where you are (or have recently been), your current emotional state, any direct impactful experiences you’ve had with a dog and so much more…
• Language was born as an expression of the energy.
• Generalised agreed labels, which point to an experience or thing and enables us to conveniently relate and communicate.
• Then we started believing that the words were the thing.
• So now, most of the time, we impose language on our experience.
• And connection gets lost in translation.
‘My cup runneth over’ is an example of this for me. The words point to an experience. Those words worked for someone. Maybe they work for lots of people. Not for me.
The words don’t elicit the experience… there’s no magic in them.
But what if we allow our words, once more, to arise as expressions of the energy?
There’s an NPA technique I call an ‘Energy Read’ which does exactly that and Marja spotted that this was a beautiful time to use it…
The language… the fully connected label… the ’name’ which popped out of me for this experience was “Self Sustaining Aggressionâ€.
It may seem like an odd, or unspiritual word, but to me it was perfect.
For me, it embodies a power source which could run all my boundary keeping, my willingness to be an inconvenience, my courage to face the uglier truths…
AND… to take care of myself, stand up in ways I hadn’t before, independent of any external source.
The words pointed to an endless inner light.
And just to reassure any spiritual sensitivities…
Aggression in this context is like the aggression a bloom requires to crack open the bud, the aggression that water expresses to carve through rock, the aggression a wolf unabashedly expression to feed and protect her cubs…
It’s a force of nature…. it’s alive in me now… and it’s made all the difference.
2 Powerful Exercises To Get You More Connected To Your Core…
I share these experiences with you, not to be cheered on or applauded or even to simply entertain… I share them with you to let you know that if you’re on this path you’re not alone, and by my experience I can help guide you on YOUR journey.
With that in mind I have a map in the form of some tasks I’m going to encourage you to do. Because if you want to actually find your endless inner light and not just massage the grey matter, then roll your sleeves up and have a crack at these exercises…
Exercise 1: Healing Invalidation/Denial
(resolving any related victim energies).
This exercise will help you un-block shut down that has occurred from invalidation.
Ask yourself:
• Are you muting how you really feel?
• Are you denying the severity of a painful experience… current or in the past?
• Were you ever told that things “weren’t that bad†or “are not as bad as you make out†or “to make lemonade from lemons†in some form? (and it didn’t feel good)
While these sentiments have their place, if at the time, it just didn’t ring true for you, it’s time to get real and acknowledge your own experience.
Let yourself Spew about a specific time where you experienced this. You can do it on paper or as a voice recording, and be open to whatever aspect of the experience you naturally want to spew about
Listen for the animated key-word cookie cutters.
NPA the cookie cutter(s) and see where it takes you.
It may be that this exercise simply provides a powerful clearing for you – which would be fantastic – right!?
And there could be more…
Learn How You Can Make Rapid Positive Shifts…
“This video programme will walk you step by step through the core training of The NPA Process and give you what you need to get started making a difference in your life right away with NPA.”
It’s very possible that what comes out of exercise 1 is a connection to some powerful core energy. A fully connected label or name for the experience might be right there – in which case, please let it be that simple.
However, if there seems to be no words for the experience, or the standard words that might describe it don’t quite resonate for you, then you can use this exercise to really nail it…
The key here is to let go of the standard words (if you have them) and fall into the direct experience.
Then allow words to arise which naturally connect you to the direct experience.
When you have them, the bridge between your inner and outer expression will be established.
Here’s the steps:
Get viscerally in touch with the experience of the core energy… the feeling, the energy, the physical sensation etc.
If some words had come which didn’t quite do it for you, let go of them completely and allow yourself to fall into your direct experience.
In any case, slip into a space of wonder…Say out loud “If there were words to describe this experience, I wonder what my they might be?“It is not something you can go searching for with you mind or any expectation… Just let the answer bubble up naturally… let the word(s) find you…For example, yesterday, what arose for a client to describe her direct experience was “Inner Waterfall of Sparkling Energy†It was right in her core, and truly connecting with it released her from a life long painful survival mechanism.
When YOUR words arrive, again get viscerally in touch with the experience…Feel the words and how they connect you strongly to the feeling. Give yourself some time with the experience and notice what happens. You may experience some release, realisations, feelings or an opening.Big and bold, or subtle and simple… no matter, trust your own experience and the process.
You can come back to these words repeatedly to access the experience.
You can also try running it through The NPA Process.
I’d love to hear what you experience from these exercises in the comments.
I hope this article inspires you to heal the invalidation in your life and start honouring your direct experience.
I also hope you can see how NPA can help you with that, as at its very core NPA is about finding words and expressions that are TRULY connected to your experience.
It’s because of that connectedness that such a seemingly simple set of words has such a profound impact for those that choose to use it to the fullest.
Exercises are great, but if you really want to bring anything into your life and embody it, it takes practice over time. This is very true of non-personal awareness.
Practice over time leads to mastery, and mastery leads to effortless magical expression. The NPA Process, NPA Advanced Techniques and Non-Personal Philosophies bring a tremendous fluidity into your life and train you to live a life authentically connected to what truly matters to you.
Learn How You Can Make Rapid Positive Shifts…
“This video programme will walk you step by step through the core training of The NPA Process and give you what you need to get started making a difference in your life right away with NPA.”
If you haven’t already, I highly recommend you get the NPA: Basic Training online video course. It will definitely help you make the most of the exercises I’ve given you here, but more importantly bring a powerful transformational energy into your life (even if you’ve done a lot of work on yourself already) and get you on the path to mastering a life that reflects what truly matters to you.
This has been the toughest post I’ve ever had to write.
It seems I came here this life time to deal with and heal various forms of abuse.
Sexual abuse when I was 7.
Domestic violence in my 30’s.
And this year, public and private attack via social media.
This year I reached my “NO MORE!”
Crippled By Civility
In the first two cases I had been crippled by civility, reasonableness and a general unwillingness to admit to myself the hideousness of the behaviour of the perpetrator. So I wasn’t free ‘in the moment’ to stand up for myself, say no and get help.
With sexual abuse there is an incredibly confusing mix of pain and pleasure… after all, the physical pleasure centres are being stimulated even as there is terror and pain. But that pleasure brings shame and causes you to doubt yourself at the deepest level and keep it quiet. Anyone who has experienced this understands.
With domestic abuse, when you are a man, there’s a particular confusion… The story goes: “You’re a man, she’s a woman… it’s different when a woman hits a man, you’re stronger… so what’s your problem? Be a man about it!…†(You might be surprised to know that I heard this from women more than men at the time). And the inner response to that goes: “If you complain, perhaps you’re weak, perhaps you’re not really a man†Again, pulling deep on a fundamental identity, causing you to doubt yourself and keep it quiet.
And now with social media abuse, well… you know the line: “It’s just not very civilised, mature, spiritual or enlightened to make any public mention of it… It just gets into public battles, fuels gossip, makes YOU look petty… so better hold the higher ground and say nothingâ€â€¦ which is kinda like “Grin and bear it little boy†or “Be a manâ€â€¦
Silence Protects The Perpetrator
If unchallenged and kept in the dark, abuses remain in shadow. We have seen it recently in the UK with many TV personalities who committed child abuse for years, finally brought to task. But the ‘civilised’ brush under the carpet approach had kept their behaviour alive for years.
Unchallenged, untruths and slanders broadcast on social media… Those poisonous thoughts, plausibly presented, that stick in people’s minds and influence their perspective… tend to remain and DO have an impact. It’s abusive, plain and simple.
There’s a strange and damaging phenomenon that commonly occurs in abuse cases: By heeding the advice and succumbing to the pressure to ‘not make a fuss’ and ‘keep quiet’, the person on the receiving end, ends up actually protecting the perpetrator by their silence.
For me, one of the biggest lessons throughout, and especially this year, has been that holding strong boundaries is a HUGE act of self love…
In the interests of ‘not keeping quiet’, I’m going to share a little of what happened this year and how I ‘held my boundary’.
But first, I want to address the damaging civility, especially as I have seen it show up in the spiritual and personal growth realms, that may prevent you from holding strong boundaries at times… So let’s take a clear look at boundaries:
Boundaries
“The river needs a boundary to find itself, and flow”
The river is not its banks, yet it requires them to be what it is.
In the same way, we are not our boundaries and yet our boundaries define who we are in the world of experience.
In spiritual growth there’s a lot of focus on connecting with your boundless ‘true’ nature, and that can be a wonderful thing.
The Non-Personal perspective, however, reminds you that there are many aspects of Self that go to make up our human experience. Including boundlessness AND the experience of everyday humanity.
It encourages you to receive the gift of wholeness which comes from noticing and honouring all their expressions.
A human life is full of contrasting experience. And boundaries can become a very important part of self care.
Historically I had no sense of personal boundaries. More of a puddle than a river. This was an expression of my identification with the idea that I didn’t matter. To assert boundaries would be an inconvenience to others.
I had a long spell of personal healing and deep emotional work, which did me a lot of good, but was underpinned with a philosophy that strongly identified Self with boundlessness… “I” still didn’t matter, after all “I” wasn’t real anyway… Just the illusion. So I still ran into all sorts of painful ‘boundary’ issues in my personal life.
Today, after 9 years of NPA, after 9 years of re-membering my WHOLE self… I am very clear on my boundaries. I’m very clear that I matter.
I am willing to be an inconvenience to the rock as I carve the valley, and leave my mark on the landscape.
The river of my life experience is clear and cherished and honoured for the path it takes.
The Universe, it seems, likes a test… and what happened this year certainly called me to back up those words with real-world action.
A Huge Act Of Self Love
As I said at the beginning, I reached my “NO MOREâ€â€¦ And this email is part of that… part of my prayer to the Universe that says I’m not going to be civilised, protective of the abuser or deny my instinctual need to roar… It’s the inconvenient truth, I’m finally willing to say.
I could go into to every sordid detail of what has happened. I’ve certainly written it all out a number of ways while composing this email, which while good therapy for me, does’t really serve you.
So I’m going to give you the bare-bones version and move onto how I chose to hold my boundary. Then I’ll share the key lesson I learned along the way, as best I understand it now, given that, in terms of the Anatomy of the Dark Night, I feel I’m still in stage 5 (Rebirth) and not quite fully in Stage 6 (Understanding).
So here goes… This is my “not keeping it quietâ€â€¦ This is my NO MORE….
In the period from the end of December last year (2015), through to August this year (2016), my Ex engaged in behaviour that the police later described to me as “Very high on our own scale of harassmentâ€
In a nutshell, she posted publicly on Facebook claiming I had “run off with another womanâ€, who she named… rallying a lot of support and bad feeling in my direction. What her Facebook friends (including 500 mutual friends, clients and customers) weren’t told, was that in the background she was sending streams of abusive, character assassinating texts and emails to me, and on several occasions sent unbelievably offensive emails direct to the person she considered ‘the other woman’.
The public posts happened after I had repeatedly asked her to stop, and when she hadn’t, I myself stopped responding… finally blocking her on every medium I could 8 months after it started. I guess she felt the public posts were her only route to continue her striking out.
In the end it has taken police intervention to bring it to a stop. And as you can probably guess, the police don’t get involved for just a few angry post-split interactions, which seem to be a normal, or at least common, part of the break up process in the digital age.
For the record, my Ex’s claim is not true, and she herself has told me face to face that she’s well aware that it is not.
The simple truth is, I left because of fundamental issues in our relationships with nobody else involved… I felt I had to leave because we had different dreams, different values and an unresolvable gap between the things that truly mattered to us.
Her justification, even to the police, was that she was hurt.
Feeling hurt when your partner of 6 years ends the relationship is very understandable. But we all have choices about what we do with those feelings.
And I had a very clear boundary around that:
While she is absolutely entitled to her feelings, she is definitely not entitled to slander or hurl abuse at me or anyone else she makes assumptions about.
I consider my life choices AFTER we split to be very much my choices to make. Very much my business and we were blocked from seeing each other others posts on all social media platforms from very early on… people block each other when they split, precisely to give each other space to move on… even so, it seems she saw them (there are always ways if you look hard enough) and took offence, as my posts were often the trigger.
I had repeatedly asked her to stop and she hadn’t. It just escalated. Which is why I felt compelled to go to the police for support.
Holding my boundary, even though it was repeatedly ignored was a huge act of self love for me. My urges to sacrifice myself in the name of being ‘loving’, ‘nice’ or ‘spiritually compassionate’ frequently vied to take the reigns. But I held my boundary.
Going to the police and actually asking for support was a huge act of self love. It took a LOT of focused, active self love, in spite of my mind demons telling me how pathetic it was of me, to go get backup and have my boundary honoured.
And sharing it now… here with you, is a huge act of self love, as I have learned the pain of silence in these matters, have a deep commitment to doing things differently, and again I have been faced with fears of your judgement…
But this time I have NPA…. Speaking of which…
What About Not Taking It Personally?
It’s a very fair question, given all that I teach, so let me explain:
NPA is definitely not about deleting all challenging life experiences, or the lessons and growth they bring. It’s certainly true that there are times when it will be within the Souls remit to simply have NPA end the suffering and for life to move on. However, there are also times when the Soul has a lesson plan and there’s be no avoiding it. In these cases I often see that NPA facilitates a clearer, suffering-reduced and often surprising route through the terrain.
The NPA I have done around this has enabled me to not take anybody’s response to me expressing this personally… so rather than being gagged, I can say what needs to be said in a way which is healing for me and hopefully offers some insight to you. NPA has enabled me to say what needs to be said regardless of what anyone else might make of it, regardless of any scary consequences that my mind would have me believe and in spite of my previous history.
As you are probably aware, these hugely significant life experiences can continue to be your teacher through life. Exposing ever deeper aspects of your shadow, and ultimately revealing ever brighter expressions of your light. That’s certainly been my experience.
Key Lesson
The key lesson for me is that sometimes holding a boundary meets huge resistance both internal and external. Holding the boundary regardless may rattle your world, but brings a deep inner resting, scatters the demons that have kept you small and builds a stable inner confidence that only comes from a bedrock of huge self love.
If you’re in a challenging boundary issue, the circumstances may be asking you:
• Do you love yourself enough to maintain your boundary in the face of the resistance?
• Are you willing to meet the fears and external pressures and still honour you?
• Are you willing to be an inconvenience?
• Are you ready to step openly into the world, as by holding a boundary you become very visible…
• Are you ready for the change that will bring?
I know there were two things I HAD to do before I could share all this. Firstly, I had to meet the ‘victim’ energy in me (I’ll cover this in a later post), and I had to NPA the heck out of all the responses I feared.
Just to be crystal clear, I’m not sharing this to illicit any kind of sympathy. I feel very empowered in relation to it now… though I couldn’t have said that in the midst of the dark night… I’m sharing it to honour myself, walk my talk and make a difference in the world.
And as ever I truly hope this inspires you to hold stronger boundaries, the willingness to speak up and ultimately continue to step more fully into beautiful you – especially should you experience any kind of abusive behaviour.
Get 1:1 support with Joel…
Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:
“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”
As is often the way with therapists, facilitators and coaches I have helped countless clients who have experienced abusive situations find peace in their Souls, freedom from their past and a deep forgiveness they never thought possible. I also work with many people who suffer from the “I don’t matter syndrome†who tell me they come into a truly empowered place of loving and honouring themselves.
If YOU find you have difficulty with boundaries, you’re probably stuck in a rut and going nowhere… Maybe feeling worthless or trapped… Maybe finding you feel abused in some way…
If that’s your experience at all, I have to tell you, it is one of my passions to help people remember they matter.
And I’d love to help you uncover and honour your boundaries, discover your path and find your flow. Get you to a place where you’re carving your own valley and leaving YOUR mark on the landscape of your life.
Jx
PS If you find yourself judging what I have written as petty, unconscious, bitter or any such… Please ask yourself if you’ve ever DIRECTLY experienced this situation or are you coming from a conceptual notion of how you think someone OUGHT to deal with this, without any ACTUAL life experience of the situation? And if you think it’s ‘mean’ of me to ‘out’ my Ex in this way, I refer you back to how we are culturally pre-disposed to protect the abuser.
PPS. I’m aware that this blog is pretty raw, and may bring stuff up for you. So please know I am very open to feedback in the comments.
Don’t apologise for using personal development tools, or the rapid shifts they bring…
This may seem like a strange thing to say, but here’s the thing…
I say all the time that NPA allows you to move through the challenges of life with tremendous speed and with relative ease.
This can be a challenge for people around you, if it doesn’t fit their expectations for what a ‘normal’ timescale is for such things.
Back in December of 2015, my 6 year relationship came to an end. This is a BIG deal in anyone’s life. There are cultural and habituated expectations about ‘taking time to heal’, ‘moving through the grief process’ and genuinely dealing with the pain of breakup.
But I did a LOT of NPA-ing
Using The Tools
I NPA’d around the grief, the lost dreams, the stories I had about what I wished she had been able to be, what I thought I should have been… Everywhere where there was pain lingering… Everywhere where my identity was tied to the relationship… Everywhere I felt conflicted, in spite of the clear truth that the decision was the right one.
I NPA’d my fears, my sadness AND what I wanted going forward.
It was amazing that after just a couple of weeks I felt incredibly clear, incredibly free and incredibly whole. I was ready to step out and discover myself anew.
What I didn’t expect was a backlash for doing just that.
Being happy, whole and vibrant ‘too soon’, it seemed was a crime.
Into the stocks with me, squashed tomatoes at the ready…
‘Insensitive’, ‘Unreal’, ‘Escapist’… these accusations came from various mutual friends of my X and mine.
Pause For Thought
I even got an unsolicited private message from a business coach who told me that my social media output, being ’too upbeat’ at this time was ‘Bad for business’! “People will see you as uncaringâ€, she said, “That could negatively effect your brand”. Now, I get that from her perspective, this was well intentioned… never-the-less, it really gave me pause for thought.
On one hand, she has a point.
As I’ve said, people can have a hard time if you step out of the box. It challenges their reality and they’d often much rather you get back in there. And if you don’t? They’ll likely find a way to put you back in… in their minds at least… labelled ‘uncaring’ for example. That can seem much easier to them than getting curious about a new possibility… and potentially rocking their world.
That may sound like I’m judging it, but actually I’m just stating an unfortunate truth about our society and culture in general today. The very one that the business coach was pointing to.
A Potent Question
But I asked myself a very potent question: “Do I want to align my energy with that thinking?â€
The answer was a clear “No”
I replied to her that I taught tools that facilitated rapid change. More rapid than was normal. That that WAS my ‘brand’. I call myself a “21st Century Heretic†precisely because NPA challenges many of the modern day ’norms’.
What example would I be if I muted my living testament to that?
What integrity would I have?
What would I be teaching to those who decide to take full advantage of the tools I offer? That you can use them, but keep the results secret? Set yourself free with speed and ease, but hide the fact that you have?
It made no sense to do that.
It didn’t feel true.
It’s not that I’m devoid of compassion for other peoples pace, or that their perception and stories might cause them pain – quite the contrary. It’s just rare for anyone to leave their mark on the world and not offend anyone, right? And the best way to show the world a new possibility is to BE THAT, unashamedly.
Good Questions To Ask Yourself
So, here’s some good questions to ask yourself…
Do you limit your enthusiasm, your happiness or your wholeness to make those around you feel more comfortable?
Do you hide away the inner work you do, for fear of ridicule or change?
Do you shy away from inner work, or resist its impact because it might challenge the status quo?
Do you choose to align with limited ideas and possibilities, when inside you’re crying to step into your power?
If you do any of these, then start with some self-forgiveness… there’s a LOT of social pressure in there, and courage takes practice. Then you can look at, and shift, whatever is holding the pattern in place.
One great way to use NPA in this situation, is took look at what you fear other people might say? And what resistances and challenging emotions come up in you? Find some Cookie Cutters and NPA them… The revolutionary road could be smoother than you think.
Learn How You Can Make Rapid Positive Shifts…
“This video programme will walk you step by step through the core training of The NPA Process and give you what you need to get started making a difference in your life right away with NPA.”
I was tempted by the resistance to mute myself, but I got the lesson.
Make No Apology
I make no apology for the fact that I am committed to using the tools I have.
I make no apology for the fact that NPA moved me through the pain of the break up faster than seemed ‘normal’ to some people.
I heartily encourage you to make no apology for your wonderful growth either. Stand in the glory of beautiful, exceptional you and you will be showing the world there’s a kinder, freer path available.
Life is short.
Who does it serve to play down your wholeness?
If you can save yourself months, even years, of suffering then why wouldn’t you?
When I feel locked up with stress, one of my go-to fast tracks to release and relief is gratitude. Gratitude (for even the tiniest of things) opens doors to the energy of love. In fact, consciously bringing your attention to gratitude is in itself an act of self love.
But, it’s not lost on me that there are times it feels like there’s no freakin’ way you can access gratitude in the midst of life’s challenges. So I want to share with you, a surprising yet magical way to ‘bridge’ from the deepest doo doo, to gratitude and self love…
This One Tip Might Shock You, But It Could Be The Epiphany That Sets You Free:
Here’s the tip…
Gratitude can F**k off
This might seem kinda weird, seeing as I’m advocating gratitude but I’m even more an advocate for starting where you are.
If the thought you should be, could be or would be better off being grateful comes in the midst of you having a low-vibe moment AND it’s met with fierce internal resistance… Then please, for the love of God, honour your authentic experience in the moment.
Be fully present to the resistance and give it an outlet. Let it move!
For you it might not be the words “Gratitude can F off”… But let the resistance have its voice in some form.
The amazing thing about doing this is that you step into a space of ‘not resisting the resistance’… In other words you move surprisingly effortlessly into non-resistance.
The thing is, if an inspiration to gratitude has come knocking on your door, then it’s already hanging around in your energy… It’s right there, even if the resistance has been blocking the doorway to you experiencing it.
Once you honour the resistance and let it move, there will be space…
You’ll feel it… You’ll feel things move…
Perhaps you’ll chuckle as you tell gratitude where to go?
Perhaps there’ll be a sense of immediate relief, which you feel physically, emotionally or mentally?
Or maybe those tears you’ve been needing to shed will finally come?
The beauty of this is that once things move, the door will be clear and open and gratitude can just slip quietly in… kind of all by itself…
And perhaps you’ll discover you’re grateful that you honoured YOU and gave yourself permission to tell gratitude to F off… And gratitude for THAT is suddenly oh so welcome…
Here’s to the ongoing flow of your beautiful, human, authentic self…
Have you ever been in a situation where the people around you are in an absolute stink? A prolonged state of ‘negativity’ where it seems like nothing you say or do, no matter how well intentioned, can encouraged them to come back into their heart?
My name is Joel Young and I’m the creator
of The NPA Process, a beautifully simple way to stop taking things personally.
This video addresses the issue of dealing with intense negativity in terms of basic human interaction. It comes in the understanding that human relations are often where our deepest crap hits the proverbial fan, rarely stopping to consider the sanitised suggestions proffered by our more enlightened aspects.
I’ve experienced this many many times in my life and I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way.
I’m not generally big on formulas, but it IS nice to have some options.
So here’s a list of 10 things I’d like to share with you, that I’ve found helpful when I’m dealing with intense negativity. If you can assimilate even one of them in the heat of the moment, you’ll be doing yourself (and the other person) a big favour.
So let’s get started…
1. Re-Think The Label ‘Negativity’
When you label someones expressions as ‘negative’ you enter dangerous territory.
Now, It’s not that I’m saying there’s anything intrinsically bad or wrong with the term negativity, I’m simply suggesting you examine what you are really saying when you use it, and how that impacts your experience: your thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
I could say a LOT about this, but the main point I want to highlight is that in the context of heated interactions: Watch out for the tendency to fall into the trap of using the term ‘negativity’ as one of the following: a judgement, a defence, an attack from a position of superior enlightenment, to assert yourself as a victim, to negate their perspective or deny their experience.
All of those will cause YOU pain and I’m encouraging you to be as aware as possible about how YOUR label for THEIR experience impacts YOUR experience.
When we’re uncomfortable with someone else’s expression, it’s very easy to believe the notion that they ought to be different than they are – after all, YOU can see that they would be much happier if they only followed your helpful advice and, of course, it would certainly be easier for you!
Again, I’m not saying that your helpful insights aren’t awesome, and if they did do what’s bleedin’ obvious to you, perhaps they would feel a whole lot better!
The slippery slope here is when you become attached to your way and then suddenly you have an agenda.
Agenda’s limit possibilities. They can make you go deaf & blind to the other person, to yourself and tend to create strong undercurrents of pressure to have themselves fulfilled.
Pressure and heat is exactly what you need for an explosion – just sayin’
The truth is that they need to be where they are right now – at least for now. And as humans we tend to resist when our natural pace is forced.
There’ll be time for suggestions or for offering a perspective or for finding a way through that works for them (whether you agree with it or not) – and that time might not be now.
When you drop your agenda, you’ll be more available to notice that moment when it arises.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
Well, of course, this list would not be complete without a reference to NPA would it?
So… Lots of wise sages have advised people not to take these things personally – and trust me it’s good advice!
I have dedicated nearly a decade of my life to sharing the multifaceted and fundamentally non-personal nature of reality… And sometimes, especially in these situations, it comes down to this: It’s just not about you!
Of course, when someone’s deepest doo doo is being flung in your face, it can be easier said than done to not take it personally, but fortunately the human race now has The NPA Process which gives us a simple and effective way to cut through the sh*t (pun intended) and come up smelling of roses (I may have overdone and/or mixed my metaphors – but you get the point!).
I’ve experienced it myself AND had amazing feedback from so many other people who have stepped out of a heated situation, taken themselves through an NPA Process and found they really CAN stop taking it personally and become freer to act from a wholesome place.
On my website (see below) you’ll find a free and simple exercise called ‘Don’t Take Them Personally’. It will show you exactly how to use The NPA Process in these situations and I highly recommend you get it.
GET THE “DON’T TAKE THEM PERSONALLY†EXERCISE
Learn how you can feel clear and centred around the people in your life who say or do things that cause you stress
This suggestion may seem hard to swallow, and it often requires us to be able to genuinely get the hang of suggestions 1, 2 & 3 – so: drop the label of negativity, drop the agenda and not take it personally – before we’re able to really listen. But when you DO really listen, magic can happen.
There can be lots of ‘faux’ listening going on, especially where an agenda is running in the background – and in fact, that is not listening.
Truly listening can be miraculous, but listening in order to get a miracle – well, we’re back to agenda again :p
Listening without an agenda is just that. Listening. Nothing added. You might be amazed what gets said when they realise you’re really listening.
5. Listen To You
There’s a saying that ‘misery loves company’ which points to our very natural human longing for agreement. In the heat of their deepest pain people often seek agreement from those around them.
And when I say seek, as you know, it often comes out as demand right?
Now, Our culture is full of mixed messages in this arena.
We’re taught, for example: “It is kind and loving to sympathise and support someone in their painful storiesâ€
This is something many would agree with, and it’s my opinion that there IS a place for this in the bish bosh of day to day human bonding. Validation can be an important part of dialogue.
Conversely we are told “where attention goes energy flowsâ€, which in this context is kind of a rebranding of “don’t throw fuel on the fireâ€. In other words, if you give their negativity attention it will just get worse.
Then there’s the old chestnut: “If I don’t put ’em straight they’ll never learn  And sometimes a strong alternative perspective is exactly what’s needed…
The reality is, there’s no ONE approach that will be right for all situations, and you can’t truly know how the other person will respond whichever path you choose. To sympathise, to challenge, to ignore, to confront…? What to do? What to do?
All you can do is listen to you as best you can, and follow those inner prompts, knowing that they, ultimately, come from a wider awareness. Plus, this way, at least you stay with yourself.
6. Ask Yourself: Is It Kind To Me?
This inner inquiry came to me in the middle of a drawn out domestic some years ago.
Kindness has always been important to me and the question I used to ask was focused very much in the outward direction. “What’s the kind thing for me to do†would be translated as “how can I express kindness towards them“.
What I realised though is that sometimes, my attempts at kindness would be very painful for me, and would often backfire and cause greater stress in my beloved at the time.
The thing is, I was excluding myself completely from the kindness equation.
So, on this occasion I was laying next to my wife at the time, both of us worn out from the long fight. I knew she was still mad at me and very much unresolved… and the truth is, so was I.
Then arose my usual urge to make peace… To open my heart and reconnect and I began to reach out my hand to touch her softly and comfort her… Suddenly the words rang loudly in my head: “Is it kind to YOU Joel?â€
My hand stopped in it’s tracks as the realisation dawned. “No, it bloody well isn’t kind to me†and then, I realised, it wouldn’t really have been kind to her either.
It would have been a false move, borne from my agenda to stop the discomfort I felt with the conflict! It would have been a lie to her and a lie to myself.
My hand withdrew and I lay in the truth, and let her be – free to lay in hers. Something in me softened.
So my suggestion is: before you act to appease, to agree, to shout, to run – whatever – ask yourself “Is it kind to me?â€. If it is? Chances are it’s the kindest thing you can do all round.
OK, this one is real simple. You’re gonna cock it up on numbers 1-6 at some point (and numbers 8-10 for that matter!). You just are – that’s your humanity.
So give yourself a break.
Sometimes, what is, is just gonna be: “I’m fed up with the unconscious negativity of the miserable bugger. Why won’t they just think differently like I tell ’em AND I’ve been as kind to them as I can possibly be in spite of their mood! What about me!!!!???†lol
Give yourself a break. There’s another breath coming.
8. Remove Yourself From The Situation
Sometimes you’ve just gotta get out. Get away from it. This links right back to listening to and being kind to you. There are times when it’s time to stay and work it through, and times when something inside says it’s time to go.
This is true in a small temporary way – where you just need to take yourself off for a walk, a bike ride, for a coffee or whatever… AND it can also be true in a bigger way, where it’s time to leave the relationship altogether.
When you listen in and pay close attention, and are willing to be kind to you, the thousand-and-one rational thoughts that would keep you in the painful crap longer than is ‘true’ won’t get a look in.
9. Affirm Your Willingness To Be There When They’re Ready
In relational dynamics, especially if it’s that time to go take a breather (and it’s not the grand finale), I’ve found that it’s kinder all round if you can offer some sense of reassurance as you step away.
It may seem that the other person can neither hear you nor cares, but something inside them is listening.
So saying things like “I’m here when you’re ready, I know we can work this out, and I need to go right now†tend to tear less at the bonds between you.
This isn’t only a sound approach at the times when you need to walk away for a bit, but all throughout communications at these heated times.
The more you can offer statements of intent to work it out together, to hear them, to be there: it’s all good (as long as it’s kind to you).
But really – don’t under estimate the value of another perspective in these kind of situations. We all need a helping hand sometimes <3
One More thing…
What if YOU are the source of ‘intense negativity’?
In that case, watch this video again and see if you can recognise how there’s a part of you that needs to ‘re-think the label’, ‘drop the agenda’ etc etc – give yourself a break and Do some NPA!!
Give It Some Love
So… Perhaps you have ideas I’ve never even thought of? Maybe one of these 10 suggestions has given you an aha moment or helped you in some specific way? Maybe you have a strong opinion about one or all of these?
Please let me and others know in the comments and why not share this if you’ve found it helpful
Also go visit my website: NonPersonalAwareness.com where you’ll find the free and simple exercise called ‘Don’t Take Them Personally’. Remember, it will show you exactly how to use The NPA Process in these situations and I highly recommend you get it.
[or use the link in the box below]
GET THE “DON’T TAKE THEM PERSONALLY†EXERCISE
Learn how you can feel clear and centred around the people in your life who say or do things that cause you stress
The air is alive with World Cup fever this month. It’s something that comes around like clockwork, fills the participant nations with high emotion and has the potential to deliver the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
How, thought I, could I possibly relate this footie-phenomena to the joys of a non-personal perspective in a personal world?
Well, if you’ll pardon the pun, it turns out that it offers us a golden opportunity for self reflection and a shot at deeper freedom…
Identity Crisis
The other day I caught one of those ‘count down’ TV programmes, the World Cup Top 100 something-or-others, and what I noticed is that we hold distinct national ‘identities’, which directly relate to ‘what we are like’ in the World Cup.
For example – England are rubbish at penalties, Irish fans expect nothing but have the best time, Cameroon are likeable rogues, Germany are efficient and effective; always in contention etc etc.
It’s intriguing that the identification each nation has taken on in relation to their World Cup experience, seems to play itself out again and again. The thing is, the same mechanism is operating in our individual lives; we each have our own ‘World Cup’ event, we have assumed an identity in relation to it, and we play out this identification as our habituated track through the event. With a sigh we are left wondering why it happened pretty much the way it always does.
Of course, if you’re a Brazil, an Argentina or a Germany in relation to your personal World Cup, then chances are you feel pretty happy with how things pan out.
However if you’re an England and find yourself constantly disappointed and longing for the glory days; or if you’re a USA who’s only really interested when you’re winning and dismissive of the whole thing when you’re not; or if you’re a Scotland that ends up with the opportunity to play much less than you feel you deserve and often end up on the sidelines gaining hollow satisfaction from seeing your ‘only slightly more talented’ sibling country falling flat on their faces again… well then, perhaps, it’s time to break the pattern and have a different experience..?
The Road To Your World Cup Heaven
So, here’s your chance for some self-inquiry. I could call it steps 1-4, but it’s oh-so-much more fun to continue the metaphor:
You’ve gotta be in it to win it, so firstly you’ll have to get through the qualifying stages. For that you’re going to need to ask yourself what your ‘World Cup’ situation is? Then to survive the group stages you’ll need to know who you are being in relation to that situation?
Next it’s knock-out time and it’ll take some fancy footwork to uncover which key aspects you’ll need to leverage, to bring more freedom and ease to the situation. Pull all of this off, and you’ll make The Final, where you can use a little NPA (the ‘Pele’ of tools for this kind of thing) and score the winning goal that can reset who you know yourself to be!
Defining Your ‘World Cup’ Situation
To help get you qualified for the main event, here’s some qualities that define the World Cup and which you can use metaphorically to look at the defining your personal World Cup event:
World Cup Aspects Defined:
It’s a sport, so there are winners and losers, with a series of events and a distinct outcome that defines that (add drama to taste)!
It is noteworthy on the ‘sporting’ calendar!
It happens regularly and repeatedly
There’s a heavy investment of National identity in it. Lots of fire, passion and potential misery! (even though it’s ‘only’ a sport)
So, to find the World Cup in your life, contemplate those aspects and ponder where this kind of pattern plays out in your life. If you want to sit back and be lead by the hand on this, skip to the bonus resources section and share the blog – then you’ll have access to a handy bendy audio that will help find your personal World Cup.
Who Are You In Relation To That Situation?
Once you’ve got a specific situation in mind it’s time to take an objective look at how it plays out. Imagine that it’s not you, not your family, not your life – just a TV drama. Ask yourself:
How does it usually play out?
What role does my character play throughout? (Think in terms of archetype, stereotypes or symbolically)
What role does my character end up in?
What judgements are my character making?
Is there a clear emotional pathway and/or a switch point? (eg. a give up point, an explosion point, an impatience-leads-to-carelessness point)
Just watch the movie and contemplate these questions, getting a general sense of the role you play and how that pattern shows up.
A Couple Of Examples
Here’s a couple of examples to give you the idea…
The Children’s Clear Up Challenge
Your ‘World Cup’ event might be asking your kids to tidy their rooms? You notice you leave the asking for as long as possible – perhaps its a 4 week cycle. You seem uncharacteristically het up about it and the kids throw all kind of strops. You want to be ‘strong Mum/Dad’ but the tears and tantrums always seem to take the juice from the legs. You hit the crossbar, miss the goal – it never quite seems to go the way you want it. When it comes to this – you just seem to play out the role of the ‘ineffective parent’, and you feel disproportionately crushed.
The Financial Ex-Factor
It’s that time again when you need to ask your ex-husband for more money for the kids. It’s always more of a drama than other conversations you have with him. You find yourself getting nervous before you call him, distrustful thoughts enter your mind, then angry thoughts – you know you play your best game when you’re centred, but you can’t help feeling meek. You fight the feeling and get angry with yourself – you know you’ve a perfect right to ask. Then you call. Sometimes he’s just fine and agrees and what a huge relief. But sometimes there’s a slight hesitation from him, a hint of resistance and you explode – you accuse him of sleight of hand with the finances, you’ve slipped into the role of ‘hysterical ex-wife’, a ‘victim’ – Â it’s an own goal – you’re devastated and bewildered… you don’t even think that stuff… ouch.
And fella’s on the other side of this one – you know there’s equally complex emotions and identities at play here for you too! ♥
Shifting Identities with NPA
NPA is awesome for shifting identities. The NPA vernacular for them is ‘cookie cutters’ and they come in all shapes and sizes. Simply having an awareness of what you’re up to and the roles you fall into in your personal World Cup is an empowering thing and awareness alone for sure can get things moving. However, super charging with non-personal awareness has a way of releasing these traditionally sticky identities at the speed of light!
So now you’ve got the situation nicely defined, you can apply some NPA, and here’s some simple ways to do that:
4 Steps For Experienced NPA-ers:
1) Use a spew from the set up questions and contemplations in section 1 (the qualifying stage) to get a situational cookie cutter. Self elicit in your preferred way and choose the most animated cookie cutter. 2) Ask yourself: In relation to [Situational CC], who or what are you being? 3) Spew and elicit the most animated cookie cutter(s) 4) Run those cookie cutters through the NPA Process.
Simple Instructions For Newbies & Beginner NPA-ers:
Simply share this article via the bonus box and you will get access to a 6 min video that will take you through how to do the process. There will also be an outline of the NPA Process words themselves. There’s a ‘gap’ in the process where you insert the cookie cutter you are using.
If you’re a newbie simply use whatever role or roles you came up with that you play as your ‘cookie cutter’.
So in the examples I gave above, the cookie cutter to use for The Children’s Clear Up Challenge would be [ineffective parent]. And for The Financial Ex-Factor, there are two: [hysterical ex-wife] & [victim], requiring two processes. Obviously, it’s going to be whatever role you are seeing yourself in, not the examples. Just put that in the process, say the 6 lines, including those words out loud and see what happens.
If you want to understand all those ‘Experienced NPA-ers’ terms and do really graceful NPA, you’ll need to get some training via our comprehensive audio programmeNPA: The Bridgeor by attending anEvent. You can also get direct assistance from me, and make a huge difference in your lifeHERE.
Bonus Resources For Sharing
I’d love you to share this article on your social networks, and doing so will give you instant access to the NPA Basic Training video, The NPA Process words AND a guided elicitation to help you through steps 1 & 2 described above.
NPA Basic Training
Words For The NPA Process
The NPA Process (c) Joel Young 2007 onwards
Â
Your Guided Elicitation
Hit play and enjoy!
Transcript:
Hi, this is Joel Young, the creator & custodian of NPA. Thanks for sharing the blog. This audio will give you a helping hand to define a situation in life which is your personal world cup. Make sure you’re in a safe place to do this – neither driving nor using heavy machinery. So let’s begin.
Get yourself comfortable and take a deep breath, sigh it out… and as you relax, and allow yourself to contemplate the movie of your day to day life, knowing that the answer will find you, you might wonder what situation, or set of events seems to happen over and over in the same way?
The situation that pops effortlessly into your conscious awareness now, will be one that stands out as somehow important to you. Even though it might seem trivial in the scheme of things, the outcome in this situation inspires a lot of passion – it matters somehow – even if you don’t know why? And it might be something you get very heated about?
Perhaps you notice, that if or when the outcome goes your way – you feel elated. However – if or when the outcome doesn’t go your way – you feel incredibly deflated, or perhaps even furious! You may have noticed that each time this situation occurs, it plays out in much the same way, with perhaps a few minor deviations from the norm?
So, as you relax and allow yourself to contemplate the movie of your day to day life – what situation is coming into your awareness? Be light and open – it’s not an exact science, and doesn’t have to tick every box – just trust that you can work with whatever situation is showing up, or the one you simply decide to pick… When you’re ready, make a note of the situation, a simple reference.
OK, so let’s take it to the next step…
With that specific situation in mind you can now take an objective look at how it plays out. Watch it play out on a screen. Imagine that it’s not you, not your family, not your life – just a TV drama and as it plays out, contemplate what role your character plays throughout. Let the label for the role find you – it can just pop into your mind. It might come as an archetype, like victim, martyr or rebel. It might come as a stereotype like geek, bread winner, drama queen, bully or perhaps as a judgement like dork, big kid, idiot, pathetic person… just be open and trust whatever pops in. Write it down – for newbies – that’s your cookie cutter!
Once you’ve run it through the process, let me know what you experience in the comments and be sure to visit our main site at NonPersonalAwareness.com
[JY-General-Bio]
Artist credit: World Cup Selfie by Emma Allen – http://www.emmaallen.org/gallery/
Tweetables:
We hold distinct national ‘identities’, which directly relate to ‘what we are like’ in the World Cup. via @JoelYoungNPA
It’s intriguing that the identification that nations take on in relation to the World Cup, play themselves out repeatedly. via @JoelYoungNPA
In our individual lives; we each have our own ‘World Cup’ event. via @JoelYoungNPA
NPA is The ‘Pele’ of transformational tools :0) Â via @JoelYoungNPA
Score the winning goal that can reset who you know yourself to be! via @JoelYoungNPA
NPA is awesome for shifting identities. via @JoelYoungNPA
Having an awareness of what you’re up to and the roles you fall into is an empowering thing. via @JoelYoungNPA
Non-personal awareness has a way of releasing these traditionally sticky identities at the speed of light! via @JoelYoungNPA
Trust that you can work with whatever situation is showing up. via @JoelYoungNPA
In this Musing on NPA & Life I’m going to suggest that you notice a place in you where you have no need of life to acquiesce to your childish demands for more than you have.
In plain English that means I’m going to ask you to stop pandering to (or fighting) your inner brat. After all, s/he’s a brat.
So, let’s get this out of the way. We all have one.
It wants more. More than you have, more than you need, more…. just because more is better, and even if it isn’t better, at least it’s more, More, MORE!!!
So how does one handle this often incessant demand without suppressing or invalidating this part of you?
A Little Clarity Please…
Just to be clear – I am NOT saying ‘have no childish demands’. Childish demands come and go, as do all the colours of human experience.
My suggestion is that you have no NEED of LIFE to acquiesce to them, no matter how diligently you pray, affirm, clear out blocks, work your ass off, vision board etc etc… you get the gist.
This is, of course, only if you are interested in Truth and Peace.
And, just to be clear again – I am NOT saying don’t pray, affirm, clear out blocks, work your ass off, vision board etc etc… what you are moved to do is always perfection in the widest context.
What I AM pointing to here is a discernment of Truth, from a Spiritual perspective, and a further re-alignment of ‘Being’ from ‘Dualistic Struggle’ to ‘Wholeness’
The History Of The Conscious Brat
In the latter part of last century, especially in the awakening movement, we nurtured the demanding child of our psyches and drilled ourselves on the belief in personal power.
To a degree this may have been the quenching of a natural thirst to re-integrate the personal perspective into the Whole – a pendulum swing from outer focused authoritarianism and the exclusion of self-motivation. In the context of balance and integration, clearly this was an authentic act of kindness to The Human.
However, as one foot falls and has it’s moment of relevancy on the path, the other foot inevitably comes into consideration.
How To Love Your Inner Brat Wholesomely
Non-Personal Awareness on many levels is a vehicle through which you can engage in a simple inquiry to the source of ‘you’ and the experience of Self. Many are surprised at what they find; the realisation of Self as effect rather than cause. But ultimately there is relief, a resting and a natural willingness to Be.
From the highest personal perspective, it’s a matter of discernment. Part of mastering the NPA Process, and understanding Non-Personal Awareness is about becoming highly skilled at noticing ‘animation’.
Animation is my word for ‘what is already being moved by God/Grace/The Universe. It’s the ‘Energy of the moment’ and as you come to know this, you are able to let go of formulas and discern the ‘highest & best’ in the context of the present.
Practice
As you practice non-personal awareness, the personality relaxes it’s game of control and rests Gracefully in the chaotic, ordered, intelligent, beauty of Life. An invitation to notice the longings, wants and childish demands. To notice actions happening that appear to support those longings, wants and childish demands. To notice actions happening that appear to NOT support those longings, wants and childish demands. And to notice that, in any case, Life is what it is.
I have what I have. I will always have what I have. And I have no need of life to acquiesce to my childish demands for more than I have.
And just to leave your personality with a little reassurance right now; that tends to feel freakin’ awesome 😀
[JY-General-Bio]
Tweetables…
Childish demands come and go, as do all the colours of human experience. via @JoelYoungNPA
what you are moved to do is always perfection in the widest context. via @JoelYoungNPA
As one foot falls and has it’s moment of relevancy on the path, the other foot inevitably comes into consideration. via @JoelYoungNPA
engage in a simple inquiry to the source of ‘you’ and the experience of Self. via @JoelYoungNPA
 let go of formulas and discern the ‘highest & best’ in the context of the present. via @JoelYoungNPA
As you practice non-personal awareness, the personality relaxes it’s game of control. via @JoelYoungNPA
Notice that, in any case, Life is what it is. via @JoelYoungNPA
I have what I have. I will always have what I have. via @JoelYoungNPA
I have no need of life to acquiesce to my childish demands for more than I have. via @JoelYoungNPA
Get 1:1 support with Joel…
One of the things I love most about NPA, is that it’s great for going beyond generalised words and terms.
Have you ever been in a situation where the people around you are in an absolute stink? A prolonged state of ‘negativity’ where it seems like nothing you say or do, no matter how well intentioned, can encouraged them to come back into their heart?
So, here’s your chance for some self-inquiry. I could call it steps 1-4, but it’s oh-so-much more fun to continue the metaphor:
