When it comes to â€˜feeling lovedâ€™ by another, it is often actions that speak louder than words.
It seems a natural part of ‘life with a personality’, that we do so much better when we feel loved (adored or cherished even), when we feel seen and heard and that we matter to our lover.
Love Is Confirmed By Action
And for our sweet, innocent personalities, love is confirmed by actions. Actions that count. We can hear the words, but are there acts of love from the one you are with?
â¤ Are there demonstrations of care?
â¤ Is there a willingness to meet you where you are? To understand you? To come to you?
â¤ Is there sharing? Is there intimacy?
â¤ Is there true openness and honesty? Is there straightness rather than game playing?
â¤ Are they *with* you in ways that matter? Do they take the time to know what matters to you and make that a high priority in their life (not as a compromise to self, but as a willing, wanting, natural act of love for you)?
â¤ If they proclaim they are giving acts of love – are they the things that matter to you, or coming only from their own spaceâ€¦ in other words is there empathy? Are they stepping off their own island and onto yours to discover you, to know you, to BE with you in your world?
â¤ Are they doing what they can to help you feel less alone and less afraid at times when you are lost in that?
â¤ Are they eager to give to you, as much as they are to receive from you?
These are great questions to ask, but bear in mind they are ideals.
The truth is, life as a mortal human in the 21st century, tends to be a little messier than that. None of us are perfect or complete when held up against an idealâ€¦ and life (and love with others) is more a dance than a static ideal.
Ideals looks for stability and certaintyâ€¦ dancing is more an interplay of stability and chaos; Balance resolves to imbalance resolves to balance. Step by step a graceful dynamic whole is unveiled: The Dance.
So, if you are dancing with another in loveâ€¦ YOU are also part of the danceâ€¦
And hereâ€™s the rub, like the moon, we are all phaseal in relationshipâ€¦ each â€˜otherâ€™ will have an ebb and flow of feeling in your direction, as you do in theirs. In other wordsâ€¦ they are your chaos, as you are theirsâ€¦ And so the anchor for that stability (the stable source of love) must be within the self and from the self.
So if the tick-box of ideals above is looking pretty bare and the energy is pulling you to seek stability as a counterpoint to chaos, then (without attachment to outcome) itâ€™s time to come within.
A Stable Source of Love
As much as you can, focus on yourself and ground into what truly works for you. Take the first step and start dancing your way back to an acknowledgement of your own beauty, your own grace, your own loveable-mess, your own sexiness, your own desirability.
Donâ€™t know the moves? Well rememberâ€¦
For our sweet, innocent personalities, self-love is confirmed by actions. Actions that count. We can hear the words, but are there acts of self-love from the one you are with? (That would be you).
💚 Are there demonstrations of self-care?
💚 Is there a willingness to meet yourself where you are? To understand yourself? To come to you and be present with yourself?
💚 Are you sharing with you? Is there intimacy with yourself?
💚 Are you being truly open and honest with yourself? Are you being straight with yourself rather than avoidance and game playing?
💚 Are you *with* you in ways that matter? Do you take the time to know what matters to you and make that a high priority in your life (not because you â€˜shouldâ€™, but as a willing, wanting, natural act of love for you)?
💚 If you proclaim you are giving yourself acts of love – are they the things that matter to you, or coming only from someone elseâ€™s idea? In other words are you coming from your direct experience? Are you stepping off other peopleâ€™s islands and back onto yours to discover you, to know you, to BE with you in your world?
💚 Are you doing what you can to help you feel less alone and less afraid at times when you are lost in that?
💚 Are you eager to give to you, as much as you are to give to them?
Again, bear in mind, these are ideals.
Never the less, they are good questions to ask yourself.
In your answers you will find the signposts that will walk you from where you are towards the deeper experience of life your heart is calling for… whoever you are dancing with.
Remember, we all need a helping hand sometimes; to find our centre, our clarity and the true source of love. This is an area of considerable experience for me, and NPA is a fabulous approach to use. So if this article rings bells for you and you’d like my help, check out your options HERE, and get in touch.
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Kazy-Vincent Janes, a client from the UK said:
“A brilliant session and just perfect – thank you for amazing ability to hone and tune and hold and guide so superbly and uniquely for me”
Love this post so much, Joel, so much resonance. Don’t know where to start but really appreciate the reminder. It’s like a mirror….
Thanks Gulara, I’m glad it resonates for you <3