You know that feeling where something is just gnawing at your guts?
That feeling that wonâ€™t take spiritual niceties for an answer?
The kind of feeling that wonâ€™t settle for pseudo peace, or half-arsed happiness?
Well that discomfort, my friend, is an inner gift youâ€™ve been nurturing, and itâ€™s grown too big for your belly.
In this post I want to share how NPA helped me listen to that gnawing, let go of a lifetime of invalidation and find a genuine connection to an endless inner light.
I also want to offer you TWO powerful exercises to help you connect more with your core.
So, letâ€™s get to the guts of itâ€¦
A Gnawing In My Guts
Almost a month had passed since the police had intervened in the harassment case and I was pretty sure the episode was over. All seemed quiet on the Ex front, and still…
I was aware that the defamatory posts were still out there in the public domain and Iâ€™d remained silent. Every time someone in the know would ask me if I felt clear and glad it was over, I would hear myself tell them â€œyesâ€â€¦ but the word, in my ears, was hollow.
In late September, my colleagues from The Inner Journey Clinic and I had our regular Skype chat. We meet for supervision and mutual support, so I took it to them to explore what the heck was still here with me.
At first it was suggested that I look at it through the eyes of radical self-responsibility. “How had I hurt her in an equivalent way?â€
I really looked, but couldn’t find it. I could acknowledge that maybe indirectly there were rubbish things Iâ€™d done in the past with different people, or perhaps to her in previous lives..?
Big Fat No
But, to be honest, it really didnâ€™t resonate, and I was getting a big inner red flag. Of course I checked myself to make sure it wasn’t just resistanceâ€¦ it wasnâ€™t.
Something much deeper and truer was simply saying no.
When wise people you respect, with the kindest of intentions, say rationale things that you know generally have a truth to them… it can be a challenge to disagree. But I knew that all spiritual, self-helpÂ and therapeutic concepts have a context where they are relevant, and times when they are not. So I held a strong boundary.
But something they said did hit a chord.
â€œYou might want to look at the victim energy Joelâ€
Thatâ€™s always gonna be a tough one to hearâ€¦ The last thing that victim energy wants is to be, is called outâ€¦ But, as I said in my post about the willingness to be an inconvenience, healing and awakening often start only when you acknowledge some ugly truths about yourself.
This time the â€˜red flagâ€™ was really a resistant â€˜ouch’ and when I got truly honest with myself there was some truth to it.
I put it in my energetic escrow to look that one in the eyeâ€¦
The very next day I had a pre-arrange catch up with my great Finnish friend, and certified NPA Teacher, Marja Koivisto.
Sheâ€™s a great facilitator and has always had a knack for pinning me on my stuff.
She noticed my energy and physiology immediatelyâ€¦ I was kind of crumpled over the table and pretty low.
“Whatâ€™s going on Joel?â€ she asked, in her lyrical Scandinavian accent and a tone that clearly meant (to use the NPA vernacular) â€œSpew Mr Young!”
Just in case you donâ€™t know, a â€˜spewâ€™ in NPA terms is an invitation to just let your mouth run on a subject. The NPA facilitator meanwhile listens for the key words or phrases that have an â€˜animationâ€™ about them and can then be used in The NPA Process.
At first I went through the yada yada of the updates on the case, but then I found myself describing an old memory:
I’m about 6 years old, in the car with my Mum, Aunt, sisters and cousins. Itâ€™s mid-summer and we’re setting off for a camping trip.
I’m the youngest, and my cousin Micky is the oldest. Heâ€™s being horrible to me, as usual. Teasing with a nasty edge.
I appeal to my Mum and my sisters, but no-one sticks up for me. They treat me like Iâ€™m being over-sensitiveâ€¦ and then I burst into tears.
Micky delights in this opportunity to mock me further. He mimics my wails and goads me: â€œSing Joel, sing!â€ and, to my shock, it seemed like everyone laughed along!
Distraught and desperate I plead through my tears to my mother:
â€œHeâ€™s being horrible! Make him stop!â€
â€œOh câ€™mobâ€ says my Mum, â€œHeâ€™s not that badâ€
My experience is completely invalidatedâ€¦ Negatedâ€¦ I simply shut down.
As I continued to spew, I realised how this experience had completely killed my ability to acknowledge genuine mistreatment of me. It also became obvious that this experience was reflected in much of the abuse Iâ€™d experience through my life, including the latest online abuse from my Ex.
The energy was still alive in me. This time as: â€œSheâ€™s not that badâ€
With my Ex in mind, Marja lead me through The NPA Process using that phrase.
A LOT of emotion,
a LOT of physical shaking,
and a LOT of energy release ensuedâ€¦
As the waves died down, the inner validation and acknowledgement found its voice, and I spoke the words:
â€œShe IS that f*&#ing badâ€
Marja encouraged me to NPA that phrase as well, and I felt it link back not only to my recent Ex, but beyondâ€¦ Back to the many other situations that I had made â€œNot that badâ€â€¦ the domestic abuser, the sexual abuser and, of course, my teasing cousin.
Something Deep Inside Cracked Open
It was as if I could finally acknowledge my experience.
I was WILLING to experience it.
Something deep inside cracked open.
With my direct experience being honoured, validated and expressed, it was healed. Any victim energy that had been hanging out in that space just kind of resolved itself. It left.
And what I experienced next was profound…
I described it to Marja as best I could,
“Itâ€™s an energyâ€¦ a feelingâ€¦ a distinct presenceâ€¦ Itâ€™s like one of those quantum power generators, that once switched on provides power for eternity, simply by tapping into the quantum field. It feels like an eternally running engine inside my belly”
I was having a visceral experience of something Iâ€™d heard about so many times but had never truly connected to personally:
“My cup runneth over”
Iâ€™d so often heard this talked about in terms of love. “Love yourself first, fill up your cup with love” etc etc.
(A little heads up for the exercise to come)
One of the things I love most about NPA, is that it’s great for going beyond generalised words and terms.
You know the sort which sound good but donâ€™t truly connect?
Words are magical, and each word we use activates neural pathways in our brain, firing off signals, sparking chemical reactions and influencing feelings, thought streams and physiology.
A common and misleading simplification, is the idea that each word has a distinct meaning that we all share. While superficially this may be trueâ€¦ underneath the surface, we all have unique responses to each word we hear.
Each word activates our huge database of experience of the word. Which sections of that data surface is influenced by the context and the emotional tone. The possible variations in any given moment are mind-bogglingly huge.
A dog is a dog, but the dog you picture and the experience you have when reading that word is almost certainly very different to mine. It will be influenced by where you are (or have recently been), your current emotional state, any direct impactful experiences youâ€™ve had with a dog and so much more…
â€¢ Language was born as an expression of the energy.
â€¢ Generalised agreed labels, which point to an experience or thing and enables us to conveniently relate and communicate.
â€¢ Then we started believing that the words were the thing.
â€¢ So now, most of the time, we impose language on our experience.
â€¢ And connection gets lost in translation.
â€˜My cup runneth overâ€™ is an example of this for me. The words point to an experience. Those words worked for someone. Maybe they work for lots of people. Not for me.
The words donâ€™t elicit the experienceâ€¦ thereâ€™s no magic in them.
But what if we allow our words, once more, to arise as expressions of the energy?
Thereâ€™s an NPA technique I call an â€˜Energy Readâ€™ which does exactly that and Marja spotted that this was a beautiful time to use itâ€¦
The languageâ€¦ the fully connected labelâ€¦ the â€™nameâ€™ which popped out of me for this experience was â€œSelf Sustaining Aggressionâ€.
It may seem like an odd, or unspiritual word, but to me it was perfect.
For me, it embodies a power source which could run all my boundary keeping, my willingness to be an inconvenience, my courage to face the uglier truthsâ€¦
AND… to take care of myself, stand up in ways I hadnâ€™t before, independent of any external source.
The words pointed to an endless inner light.
And just to reassure any spiritual sensitivitiesâ€¦
Aggression in this context is like the aggression a bloom requires to crack open the bud, the aggression that water expresses to carve through rock, the aggression a wolf unabashedly expression to feed and protect her cubsâ€¦
Itâ€™s a force of natureâ€¦. itâ€™s alive in me nowâ€¦ and itâ€™s made all the difference.
2 Powerful Exercises To Get You More Connected To Your Coreâ€¦
I share these experiences with you, not to be cheered on or applauded or even to simply entertainâ€¦ I share them with you to let you know that if youâ€™re on this path youâ€™re not alone, and by my experience I can help guide you on YOUR journey.
With that in mind I have a map in the form of some tasks Iâ€™m going to encourage you to do. Because if you want to actually find your endless inner light and not just massage the grey matter, then roll your sleeves up and have a crack at these exercises…
Exercise 1: Healing Invalidation/Denial
(resolving any related victim energies).
This exercise will help you un-block shut down that has occurred from invalidation.
â€¢ Are you muting how you really feel?
â€¢ Are you denying the severity of a painful experienceâ€¦ current or in the past?
â€¢ Were you ever told that things “werenâ€™t that badâ€ or â€œare not as bad as you make outâ€ or â€œto make lemonade from lemonsâ€ in some form? (and it didnâ€™t feel good)
While these sentiments have their place, if at the time, it just didnâ€™t ring true for you, itâ€™s time to get real and acknowledge your own experience.
- Let yourself Spew about a specific time where you experienced this.
You can do it on paper or as a voice recording, and be open to whatever aspect of the experience you naturally want to spew about
- Listen for the animated key-word cookie cutters.
- NPA the cookie cutter(s) and see where it takes you.
It may be that this exercise simply provides a powerful clearing for you – which would be fantastic – right!?
And there could be moreâ€¦
Exercise 2: Finding Your Natural Expression
Itâ€™s very possible that what comes out of exercise 1 is a connection to some powerful core energy. A fully connected label or name for the experience might be right there – in which case, please let it be that simple.
However, if there seems to be no words for the experience, or the standard words that might describe it donâ€™t quite resonate for you, then you can use this exercise to really nail it…
The key here is to let go of the standard words (if you have them) and fall into the direct experience.
Then allow words to arise which naturally connect you to the direct experience.
When you have them, the bridge between your inner and outer expression will be established.
Hereâ€™s the steps:
- Get viscerally in touch with the experience of the core energyâ€¦ the feeling, the energy, the physical sensation etc.
- If some words had come which didnâ€™t quite do it for you, let go of them completely and allow yourself to fall into your direct experience.
- In any case, slip into a space of wonderâ€¦Say out loud â€œIf there were words to describe this experience, I wonder what my they might be?“It is not something you can go searching for with you mind or any expectationâ€¦ Just let the answer bubble up naturallyâ€¦ let the word(s) find youâ€¦For example, yesterday, what arose for a client to describe her direct experience was “Inner Waterfall of Sparkling Energyâ€ It was right in her core, and truly connecting with it released her from a life long painful survival mechanism.
- When YOUR words arrive, again get viscerally in touch with the experienceâ€¦Feel the words and how they connect you strongly to the feeling. Give yourself some time with the experience and notice what happens. You may experience some release, realisations, feelings or an opening.Big and bold, or subtle and simpleâ€¦ no matter, trust your own experience and the process.
- You can come back to these words repeatedly to access the experience.
- You can also try running it through The NPA Process.
Iâ€™d love to hear what you experience from these exercises in the comments.
I hope this article inspires you to heal the invalidation in your life and start honouring your direct experience.
I also hope you can see how NPA can help you with that, as at its very core NPA is about finding words and expressions that are TRULY connected to your experience.
Itâ€™s because of that connectedness that such a seemingly simple set of words has such a profound impact for those that choose to use it to the fullest.
Exercises are great, but if you really want to bring anything into your life and embody it, it takes practice over time. This is very true of non-personal awareness.
Practice over time leads to mastery, and mastery leads to effortless magical expression. The NPA Process, NPA Advanced Techniques and Non-Personal Philosophies bring a tremendous fluidity into your life and train you to live a life authentically connected to what truly matters to you.
If you havenâ€™t already, I highly recommend you get the NPA: Basic Training online video course. It will definitely help you make the most of the exercises Iâ€™ve given you here, but more importantly bring a powerful transformational energy into your life (even if youâ€™ve done a lot of work on yourself already) and get you on the path to mastering a life that reflects what truly matters to you.
Love & Blessings