Donâ€™t apologise for using personal development tools, or the rapid shifts they bringâ€¦
This may seem like a strange thing to say, but hereâ€™s the thingâ€¦
I say all the time that NPA allows you to move through the challenges of life with tremendous speed and with relative ease.
This can be a challenge for people around you, if it doesnâ€™t fit their expectations for what a â€˜normalâ€™ timescale is for such things.
Back in December of 2015, my 6 year relationship came to an end. This is a BIG deal in anyoneâ€™s life. There are cultural and habituated expectations about â€˜taking time to healâ€™, ‘moving through the grief processâ€™ and genuinely dealing with the pain of breakup.
But I did a LOT of NPA-ing
Using The Tools
I NPAâ€™d around the grief, the lost dreams, the stories I had about what I wished she had been able to be, what I thought I should have beenâ€¦ Everywhere where there was pain lingeringâ€¦ Everywhere where my identity was tied to the relationshipâ€¦ Everywhere I felt conflicted, in spite of the clear truth that the decision was the right one.
I NPAâ€™d my fears, my sadness AND what I wanted going forward.
It was amazing that after just a couple of weeks I felt incredibly clear, incredibly free and incredibly whole. I was ready to step out and discover myself anew.
What I didnâ€™t expect was a backlash for doing just that.
Being happy, whole and vibrant â€˜too soonâ€™, it seemed was a crime.
Into the stocks with me, squashed tomatoes at the ready…
â€˜Insensitiveâ€™, â€˜Unrealâ€™, â€˜Escapistâ€™â€¦ these accusations came from various mutual friends of my X and mine.
Pause For Thought
I even got an unsolicited private message from a business coach who told me that my social media output, being â€™too upbeatâ€™ at this time was â€˜Bad for businessâ€™! â€œPeople will see you as uncaringâ€, she said, â€œThat could negatively effect your brand”. Now, I get that from her perspective, this was well intentionedâ€¦ never-the-less, it really gave me pause for thought.
On one hand, she has a point.
As Iâ€™ve said, people can have a hard time if you step out of the box. It challenges their reality and theyâ€™d often much rather you get back in there. And if you donâ€™t? Theyâ€™ll likely find a way to put you back inâ€¦ in their minds at leastâ€¦ labelled â€˜uncaringâ€™ for example. That can seem much easier to them than getting curious about a new possibilityâ€¦ and potentially rocking their world.
That may sound like Iâ€™m judging it, but actually Iâ€™m just stating an unfortunate truth about our society and culture in general today. The very one that the business coach was pointing to.
A Potent Question
But I asked myself a very potent question: â€œDo I want to align my energy with that thinking?â€
The answer was a clear â€œNo”
I replied to her that I taught tools that facilitated rapid change. More rapid than was normal. That that WAS my â€˜brandâ€™. I call myself a â€œ21st Century Hereticâ€ precisely because NPA challenges many of the modern day â€™normsâ€™.
What example would I be if I muted my living testament to that?
What integrity would I have?
What would I be teaching to those who decide to take full advantage of the tools I offer? That you can use them, but keep the results secret? Set yourself free with speed and ease, but hide the fact that you have?
It made no sense to do that.
It didnâ€™t feel true.
Itâ€™s not that Iâ€™m devoid of compassion for other peoples pace, or that their perception and stories might cause them pain – quite the contrary. Itâ€™s just rare for anyone to leave their mark on the world and not offend anyone, right? And the best way to show the world a new possibility is to BE THAT, unashamedly.
Good Questions To Ask Yourself
So, hereâ€™s some good questions to ask yourself…
- Do you limit your enthusiasm, your happiness or your wholeness to make those around you feel more comfortable?
- Do you hide away the inner work you do, for fear of ridicule or change?
- Do you shy away from inner work, or resist its impact because it might challenge the status quo?
- Do you choose to align with limited ideas and possibilities, when inside youâ€™re crying to step into your power?
If you do any of these, then start with some self-forgivenessâ€¦ thereâ€™s a LOT of social pressure in there, and courage takes practice. Then you can look at, and shift, whatever is holding the pattern in place.
One great way to use NPA in this situation, is took look at what you fear other people might say? And what resistances and challenging emotions come up in you? Find some Cookie Cutters and NPA themâ€¦ The revolutionary road could be smoother than you think.
I was tempted by the resistance to mute myself, but I got the lesson.
Make No Apology
I make no apology for the fact that I am committed to using the tools I have.
I make no apology for the fact that NPA moved me through the pain of the break up faster than seemed â€˜normalâ€™ to some people.
I heartily encourage you to make no apology for your wonderful growth either. Stand in the glory of beautiful, exceptional you and you will be showing the world thereâ€™s a kinder, freer path available.
Life is short.
Who does it serve to play down your wholeness?
If you can save yourself months, even years, of suffering then why wouldnâ€™t you?