Don’t apologise for using personal development tools, or the rapid shifts they bring…
This may seem like a strange thing to say, but here’s the thing…
I say all the time that NPA allows you to move through the challenges of life with tremendous speed and with relative ease.
This can be a challenge for people around you, if it doesn’t fit their expectations for what a ‘normal’ timescale is for such things.
Back in December of 2015, my 6 year relationship came to an end. This is a BIG deal in anyone’s life. There are cultural and habituated expectations about ‘taking time to heal’, ‘moving through the grief process’ and genuinely dealing with the pain of breakup.
But I did a LOT of NPA-ing
Using The Tools
I NPA’d around the grief, the lost dreams, the stories I had about what I wished she had been able to be, what I thought I should have been… Everywhere where there was pain lingering… Everywhere where my identity was tied to the relationship… Everywhere I felt conflicted, in spite of the clear truth that the decision was the right one.
I NPA’d my fears, my sadness AND what I wanted going forward.
It was amazing that after just a couple of weeks I felt incredibly clear, incredibly free and incredibly whole. I was ready to step out and discover myself anew.
What I didn’t expect was a backlash for doing just that.
Being happy, whole and vibrant ‘too soon’, it seemed was a crime.
Into the stocks with me, squashed tomatoes at the ready…
‘Insensitive’, ‘Unreal’, ‘Escapist’… these accusations came from various mutual friends of my X and mine.
Pause For Thought
I even got an unsolicited private message from a business coach who told me that my social media output, being ’too upbeat’ at this time was ‘Bad for business’! “People will see you as uncaring”, she said, “That could negatively effect your brand”. Now, I get that from her perspective, this was well intentioned… never-the-less, it really gave me pause for thought.
On one hand, she has a point.
As I’ve said, people can have a hard time if you step out of the box. It challenges their reality and they’d often much rather you get back in there. And if you don’t? They’ll likely find a way to put you back in… in their minds at least… labelled ‘uncaring’ for example. That can seem much easier to them than getting curious about a new possibility… and potentially rocking their world.
That may sound like I’m judging it, but actually I’m just stating an unfortunate truth about our society and culture in general today. The very one that the business coach was pointing to.
A Potent Question
But I asked myself a very potent question: “Do I want to align my energy with that thinking?”
The answer was a clear “No”
I replied to her that I taught tools that facilitated rapid change. More rapid than was normal. That that WAS my ‘brand’. I call myself a “21st Century Heretic” precisely because NPA challenges many of the modern day ’norms’.
What example would I be if I muted my living testament to that?
What integrity would I have?
What would I be teaching to those who decide to take full advantage of the tools I offer? That you can use them, but keep the results secret? Set yourself free with speed and ease, but hide the fact that you have?
It made no sense to do that.
It didn’t feel true.
It’s not that I’m devoid of compassion for other peoples pace, or that their perception and stories might cause them pain – quite the contrary. It’s just rare for anyone to leave their mark on the world and not offend anyone, right? And the best way to show the world a new possibility is to BE THAT, unashamedly.
Good Questions To Ask Yourself
So, here’s some good questions to ask yourself…
- Do you limit your enthusiasm, your happiness or your wholeness to make those around you feel more comfortable?
- Do you hide away the inner work you do, for fear of ridicule or change?
- Do you shy away from inner work, or resist its impact because it might challenge the status quo?
- Do you choose to align with limited ideas and possibilities, when inside you’re crying to step into your power?
If you do any of these, then start with some self-forgiveness… there’s a LOT of social pressure in there, and courage takes practice. Then you can look at, and shift, whatever is holding the pattern in place.
One great way to use NPA in this situation, is took look at what you fear other people might say? And what resistances and challenging emotions come up in you? Find some Cookie Cutters and NPA them… The revolutionary road could be smoother than you think.
I was tempted by the resistance to mute myself, but I got the lesson.
Make No Apology
I make no apology for the fact that I am committed to using the tools I have.
I make no apology for the fact that NPA moved me through the pain of the break up faster than seemed ‘normal’ to some people.
I heartily encourage you to make no apology for your wonderful growth either. Stand in the glory of beautiful, exceptional you and you will be showing the world there’s a kinder, freer path available.
Life is short.
Who does it serve to play down your wholeness?
If you can save yourself months, even years, of suffering then why wouldn’t you?
Joel is a well renowned international speaker and teacher in the field of Human Consciousness. With nearly 20 years experience in private practice and working with groups, Joel’s vast experience makes him a master of facilitating release, freedom, healing & awakening.
Contact Joel for sessions that bring profound ease, clarity and peace: [email protected]
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