If you tend to rationalise the crap out of feeling alone, well I understand.
Especially on â€˜Saint bloody Valentines dayâ€™…
Maybe you question why you haven’t got that special someone with you and berate yourself with some bugger’s reason why you should have.
Perhaps you rage at the vulgarity of Valentines commercialism and scorn the couple’s who fell for it; displaying their loved up life on Facebook like a badge of honour. Perhaps you quietly, secretly, wish them a nasty break up.
Perhaps you hide your heart in the Haagen-Dazs pot â€“ cookies and silent scream.
These are culturally acceptable strategies for dealing with feeling alone. They are seriously rubbish and usually serve to make you feel worse.
Hereâ€™s the thing. You need a hug.
(And, by the way, the same goes for Christmas, New Years, Birthday’s and all those traditionally ‘social’ occasions…)
You Need A Hug
And Iâ€™m not talking about one of those civilized, love & light, bromance kinda hugs you see happening everywhere these days â€“ although Iâ€™ve gotta say Iâ€™m all for them over a hand shake, an air kiss or an awkward stand-off.
No, Iâ€™m talking about one of those uncompromising, unhindered, full out, full on, â€˜Iâ€™m totally f***ing here â€“ this moment is. my. everything.â€™ kinda hugs. A hug that says everything you ever wanted to hear without a single word being said. A hug that has exactly nothing to do with sex or orgasms and yet gives every cell in your body the deepest permission to sing and cry and laugh and scream in one dizzy, crazy, out-of-control yet safely held moment. A hug that says yes to everything you are, everything youâ€™ve been and everything you long to become.
THAT, dear reader, is the hug Iâ€™m talking about.
The Big Question
And hereâ€™s the big question: Can you feel it? As you read the description of the hug â€“ did you feel it? Can you go there? Can you LET yourself touch into it?
Because, while itâ€™s flippinâ€™ wonderful to get that from someone else, the truth is there are parts of you that are looking for THAT kind of hug from you, and only you. In the same way that sometimes toddlers just need their Mum, and no one else will do â€“ not even Daddy. This can be true whether you are in a wonderful relationship, a crappy relationship or no relationship. Sometimes youâ€™ve just gotta get in there and hug yourself!
A Deep, Out-Of-Control, Yet Safely Held Moment
This week I worked with a client in his 30â€™s who had undergone a very traumatic event when he was 18. Out of the experience a great deal of positive inner searching, personal and spiritual growth had come and yet he, his 18 year old traumatised consciousness, was still somehow alone and locked down. For all the work heâ€™d done and help heâ€™d got, this inner kid needed to feel it. He needed to down-to-his-bones know: he wasnâ€™t alone anymore. He needed THAT kind of hug.
And no, I didnâ€™t give him that hug. I simply helped him to realise the man heâ€™d become was the one that his 18 year old self was looking for. And helped him to realise that the man heâ€™d become was ready; that all that heâ€™d been through, all that heâ€™d been inspired to learned and all the ways that heâ€™d grown meant he could finally meet his younger self, hold him and give him THAT kind of hug.
It was indeed a deep, out-of-control yet safely held moment. And although he hardly moved a muscle â€“ it was a deeply physical experience and the key that unlocked his long held defences and set him on the road to outward fulfilment.
So, if youâ€™re alone this Valentines, or at any time â€“ whether youâ€™re single or in a relationship but not getting that hug â€“ perhaps itâ€™s you youâ€™re looking for – and you wont settle for less. If you can even begin to connect emotionally with my description of â€˜THAT kind of hugâ€™ or it points you to your own description that you can connect with then youâ€™ve gone a long way to finding the perfect love today.
If you wanna go for it, then…
I invite you to imagine thereâ€™s a younger self thatâ€™s looking for THAT kind of hug today. It doesnâ€™t matter how old she or he is â€“ whatever age â€˜youâ€™, shows up in your sense or imagination is perfect. And if there are many â€“ form a queue â€“ thereâ€™s plenty of hugs to go around, and just pick one for now.
Once you have a sense of them, just feel, sense or see yourself go over to them and connect. Youâ€™re ready, so just take them in your arms and give them THAT kind of hug. If it helps to re-read my description â€“ great, do that. Or simply feel your way through it organically â€“ you know what they need. You know what you need. Hug it out.
And if you would like help with that, you know where I am.
This is my Universal hug for you this fine day, and I hope it touches your heart and makes your world a little brighter.
Please share the hugging love and let me know what you experienced in the comments.